Mr. Cockall returns and interviews tomorrows geniuses (again using song)
Who are you? Geoff Cornbladder
What’s the idea? Stage Sluts
What is it? Today’s television needs a more updated approach to younger women, what they talk about and what is important in their lives. After a brief five minute survey with the lasses in my office it was decided that gigs are where women open up and discuss more. What we’re talking about is like ‘Loose Women’ for the 16 to 25s and with less haggered crones.
What does it do? It will be a beacon in a darkened room. What better way to feel smug about yourself than listen to some over-dressed, obnoxious little turds who are only concerned about shagging the lead singer of whatever band is on stage? It will be a huge morale boost for women everywhere. Fair enough the music scene may dip for a while but we’ll just have to hope that men batting for both sides will pick up the pace.
What are you gonna do about it? Nothing Mr. Cockall, it’s all in my head >:)
July 1st, 2009
Ian
Returning from India, still intact despite the incident with the scorpion, and without locating nothing more than hocus pocus stories regarding Bab Nool Yony, we took about writing up our notes nonetheless with the hope that perhaps upon our next visit we may be able to piece together something coherent enabling us to carry on our work. (more…)
June 23rd, 2009
Ian
I have upgradede all of the gubbins that makes this stack o’pap work.
This has changed the back-office stuff, and I’ve no idea what we’ve gained/lost or how it works, but it doesn’t nag me to update it no when I log in.
Enjoy
June 23rd, 2009
Kevil
The horror, the horror… (more…)
June 22nd, 2009
Ian
Thrust thrust thrust thrust
(more…)
June 17th, 2009
Ian
I suppose dear Alesha could also fall under ‘She’s Fit (but the musics shit)’, the almost forgotten distant cousin of ‘SBOTM’. I’m not one for attacking sacred cows, nor am I one for attacking any sort of cows. In fact if I was to attack any animal the cow wouldn’t be on the list it’s just that despite coming across as a geniunely nice person she’s really beginning to boil my piss. (more…)
June 17th, 2009
Ian
For June’s picture EEFY McJEEFY and I went out to the countryside to get a more rural, natural feel. This cow provided the perfect cover for me. I am, of course, lying provocatively on the grass just in front of the hedge in the distance, wearing a cheeky PVC nurse’s uniform that is a little bit too revealing, accessorised with some fluffy handcuffs.
June 16th, 2009
Chris
Read on read on read on read on… (more…)
June 16th, 2009
Ian
Here’s one in the eye for all those literary buffs who think that we’re all about nonsensical futile discussions about chagrins and stuff. This here represents the highest point in modern fiction. Thanks to the remenants of Chris Industries we managed to secure the rights to publish the debut story by Byzantium Terror, a whiper snapper of unbelievable proportions.
Read the first part and loathe yourself.
Pet away! Pet away! (more…)
June 15th, 2009
Ian
I’ve been keeping quiet about this, but a few days ago I was called very early in the morning by the Archbishop of Brixton who said I needed to take a cab to Buckingham Palace immediately. So I put on a smartish t-shirt and headed down there, and blow me if Queen Liz wasn’t there sobbing into her cornflakes. Her butler, Tootingtons, explained that she was sick of being a queen and all her life had wanted to make fry-ups in a cafe on the Brentwood Bypass. I pointed out that the Brentwood Bypass wasn’t opened until about twenty years after her coronation, but he wasn’t interested.
Anyway, before she could get her hands greasy she had to find a replacement and I was the best person in the world, so I was the obvious choice. In the end I agreed to become King Christopher I on the condition that they kept it quiet and didn’t make a fuss. So we had a low-key coronation at Westminster Abbey, and I am now king while Liz is buttering toast in a lay-by on the A12.
I decided that, while I wouldn’t be giving up my job or moving out of my flat or having my face on coins and stamps, I should do something to commemorate what is quite an exciting personal development. The first thing I did was declare that Streatham will now be known as Streatham Regis, in light of my living there during my reign. The second thing was that I need a carriage of state in which I can process through my realm and which can transport me to state events.
So on Thursday I went over to Danrick Autos in Basildon and bought this:
If I pass you in the street, please stop and remove your hat in respect for your new low-key head of state.
June 14th, 2009
Chris
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