User avatarA Mild Irritant

Let’s crack open February with something I need to vent.

There is a lollipop man that works in the same place I work. Not the same building, obviously, but further down the road. His beat, if you will, is on the high street and like with most lollipop men and women it is his job to ensure the safety of people crossing the road. Surely this must be a mistake then? What could I possibly have against this person, this figurehead of the people? It’s very simple.

Let’s split this into three sections:

1) He’s a grump. I may be a grump too however I recognise the moments when to revel in the grump and when to respond to people who are being polite. In my first few weeks walking to and from work I attempted on numerous occasions to smile and communicate positivity towards him and he ignored every single one.

2) He only gets his lollipop out (wa-hey!) for mothers with children and older members of the community. He doesn’t move if you’re me, or you, or someone else who isn’t elderly or pulling a three year old like an overturned wheelie bin.

The worst and most annoying of the three…

3) Where he works, where he crosses the road, where he helps people to cross there is a pelican crossing. There is absolutely NO NEED for him to do what he is being paid to do. You press the button, the green man appears and you cross the road. There is no requirement for his being there. He is completely obsolete. I don’t want anyone to lose their job unless they have to but, for the love of flumps, if someone is paying this man they need to stop.

There. I said it. You can all judge me now if you want to.

9 comments to A Mild Irritant

  • Is he grumpy because someone installed a pelican crossing on his patch and he knows it’s only a matter of time before his uselessness is spotted?

    (Many vast congratulations on your first post to the New Beans!)

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Do you think they gradually built it around him and it wasn’t until recently that he realised? I’d be a bit miffed too; very cloak and dagger.

    I think ultimately he’s just a sourpuss and needs to buck up his ‘chude.

    There’s a lovely lollipop lady, doing a proper job, on a road adjacent to the high street who always says hello and smiles.

  • Yes, I think that happens a lot. He barely noticed that black poles were surrounding his crossing place until one day they all started lighting up and beeping and he knew his world was collapsing around him.

  • Kevil

    They should pack him up in a box surrounded by polystyrene nubbins until the world need him again… Like some sort of dormant crap road crossing superhero.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I think that would be ideal. It would mean I wouldn’t have to look at his sorry a*s every day. Might anyone know of someone who would be able to facilitate my request?

  • What’s with your Victorian sensibilities? Why can’t we write ass?

    Ass.

  • Kevil

    I think maybe the council could ASSist you in you ASSignation.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I can bleep out my foul language if I feel the need to. Anyway, let’s steer the focus away from me and back to him. My sorry ass doesn’t like the attention.

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