Archive for September 21st, 2011

Garner This And Wait!

It’s been far too long and I love too many products without sending another piece of correspondence to spread the madness. Cap your peepers at this little sweetheart of a letter:

Dear Weetabix Suppliers

How do you start a letter such as this? Where do you begin to convey how much you like someone’s product? Is there a perfect beginning, a way to build up to it or should you just launch into the superlatives? Well that’s my nonchalant start out the way.

Your products are amazing. How’s that for a superlative? I eat Weetabix every morning because it tastes excellent and there’s no other cereal I would prefer to eat, that is apart from Ready Brek. On occasion I do like to have a bit of Ready Brek, especially on cold mornings. I even went so far as to turn my previous box of Ready Brek into a person. So every day I come into work Mr R. Brek greets me with a cheeky smile. You might think that’s a step too far but I say it’s not enough! It’s never enough. As soon as those chilly mornings start coming back closer to Christmas I am going to bag me a box. Whether or not that one gets turned into a person I’m not sure. Perhaps Mr R Brek would like a friend or a companion; I haven’t thought that far ahead…

But anyway a big fat YES to anything Weetabix-related. I even noticed that you can get bitesize Weetabix and you can bet a stack of napkins that I am going to invest the next time I find myself in a supermarket.

I’ve drawn a little picture of Mr R Brek to accompany this letter. Please pass it around to anyone who might be interested.

Yours Faithfully

Ian McIver

2 comments September 21st, 2011

You Gotta Be (Helping Me Out) – Special Edition

This month Des’ree unfortunately has taken a turn for the worst. Yes, she is involved in yet another law suit with another artist sampling her music without asking for permission. It’s just not on and so, in her absence, we must turn to her stand-up on occasions such as these.

Ladies and gentlemen allow me to introduce chart-topping eighties starlet, Yazz! I don’t need to go on about how amazing she is because unless you’ve removed your ears you will already know so without further ago let’s listen in on the Yazz Help-’em’all Hotline:

Caller #370: Hi Yazz, big fan of yours. I was looking for a little advice if it’s not too much trouble. I love to bake and when I’m not cleaning chimneys or dusting wildlife I’ll do a little mix and a stir and whip up a batch of lemon merangue pies. The only problem is my oven; it’s decades old and takes forever to cook anything. I once had a pineapple upside-down cake that took three years to bake properly. Right now I have some cookies in and they’ve already been in for thirty minutes. What do you think I should do?

Yazz: (Hold on) Hold on (Hold on) Hold on (Hold on) oooooooooooooooooo, (Hold on) Hold on (Hold on) It’s won’t be loooooooooooooong yeah!

Caller #370: Oh that’s excellent. Thanks Yazz!

Helping others can be beneficial for yourself and for others around you, especially if you punch people in the face when you’re in a bad mood. So order up a fresh round of sneezes and keep those calls coming in.

September 21st, 2011


Something random

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