Garner This And Wait!
June 8th, 2011
Dear McVities,
My eyes haven’t been off the packet since I went to the shops. I have been lustfully staring at them with the intent to tear it apart and eat everything inside. Don’t think of me as a glutton, I’m not usually, but when I saw the Go Ahead Crispy Slices I couldn’t resist.
I like everything about them; they way they look on the packet, the scent of them as you bring them up to your nose, and then the rolling taste, the rolling taste of red cherry. I even like the massive pictures of cherries in the background on the front of the packet too. I assume that this is a close-up of cherries and not some massive cherries that you, McVities, have managed to grow. I know that British weather is a tad unpredictable but I’ve never known it to facilitate the growth of gigantic fruit. Do we even grow cherries in this country? I’ll have to find that out later once I’ve finished stuffing my face.
I went through a similar phase when I discovered the Yoghurt Breaks. I remember buying at least ten boxes of the strawberry flavour and piling them up top of the fridge in the kitchen. It was such a wonderful sight I didn’t want to disrupt it however I succumbed to temptation and went through them in less than a week.
I want to know how you do it. How does a multi-national (I assume?) company such as yourself manage to create something as satisfying yet low in all the bad stuff? Are you keeping things from us all? Are you lying to me, McVities? I don’t think you are… yet. I have no scientific equipment of my own to confirm either way. I want to believe you McVities, that every time I put a Crispy Slice into my mouth that I’m better than them people troughing on crisps and those massive massive bars of chocolate. Double Galaxy in your face, no thanks. If I’m being honest even if it did come out that Crispy Slices were weighing us down with all the calories I wouldn’t mind. They’re too good.
I thought you should know…
Many thanks
Ian McIver
Entry Filed under: Bedtime stories,Ian
10 Comments
1. Miranda Lacaze | June 9th, 2011 at 13:25
Dear Ian,
We’re delighted to hear you’re such a fan of our Go Ahead Crispy Slices and would like to reassure you that there’s no trickery involved! We simply work hard to make our existing products healthier while still delivering great taste, as well as introducing new, healthier products to consumers. This is why go ahead! Is the UK’s number one healthier biscuit brand.
On another note, we believe there is some cherry production in the UK, but we’re not so sure about the gigantic variety!
If you’d like to send an email to lacazem@unitedbiscuits.com with your address, we’d be happy to send out a complementary packet of go ahead!
Yours sincerely,
Miranda from United Biscuits
2. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | June 10th, 2011 at 12:56
The system works… :O amazing!
3. Kevil | July 5th, 2011 at 23:32
Did you get free biscuits?
4. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | July 6th, 2011 at 07:41
I cashed my vouchers in for some Go Ahead Crispy Slices because at the time they were on offer for £1.00 a pack in Tesco, so I got muchos of them and then I also snagged a couple of cheeky Yoghurt Breaks. I have been snaffling them in breaks ever since.
5. Kevil | July 6th, 2011 at 17:46
why didnt you email the lady?
6. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | July 6th, 2011 at 22:06
I did, and she was kind enough to send me several vouchers giving me money off 🙂 so technically yeah I did get free biscuits.
7. Kevil | July 6th, 2011 at 22:24
but were the biscuits free though?
8. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | July 7th, 2011 at 07:20
Yes Kevin, the biscuits were free.
Are you fishing for a couple of freebies? I can thrust something to you in the post 😛
9. Kevil | July 7th, 2011 at 20:35
Look you keep on saying things, but all i want to know is WERE the BISCUITS fucking FREE?
10. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | July 8th, 2011 at 12:40
No, I refuse to say anything. I don’t think that you really want this information enough. Sling your bloody ‘ook.