My Rant At Katie Melua

February 20th, 2008

How does she sell records?  She is crap.  All stupid songs about bicycles in China and sailing boats and shit like that.  God, she really grinds my gears.  Johnnie Walker (yes, radical DJ from pirate radio which I remember sadly, it was in the days of black and white wireless) was playing her this morning and he said “Oh, another good song from Katie Melua”.  Is he on drugs?  Clearly his recent brush with bowel cancer has got the better of him.  And she wrote that pile of shite about Mary Pickford as well.  Oh, its really spoiled my day.  

Entry Filed under: Loins

23 Comments

  • 1. Kevil  |  February 20th, 2008 at 10:52

    Mary Pickford… Is she the woman who owns all those removal vans?

  • 2. Auds  |  February 20th, 2008 at 11:51

    I believe its a relative.

  • 3. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  February 20th, 2008 at 12:16

    You can bet though that the vans she owns never deals in dirty chips :)

  • 4. Chris  |  February 20th, 2008 at 12:55

    No flying chips vans whatsoever, I’d have thought.

    Grounded by the grinding gears of Melua.

  • 5. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  February 20th, 2008 at 16:53

    Having already covered Melua at the very birth of ‘Silly Bint of the Month’ I’d hate to think that we were going over something that had previously been discussed.

    But given that we all hate the b*tch so much let’s do it again.

    Haven’t heard anything from her in a while (which is a good thing). I was hoping she’d fallen in a hole and drunks were p*ssing on her every weekend.

  • 6. Chris  |  February 20th, 2008 at 20:58

    Note that her name sounds more like some sort of ointment.

    “Doctor, doctor! I have a sore arse!”

    “Don’t worry, Mr Smith, I’ll give you a prescription for a tube of soothing Melua.”

  • 7. Auds  |  February 21st, 2008 at 08:35

    Would you really want to rub Katie Melua on your bum?

    Don’t answer that. I bet you think she’s pretty, really.

    Or really pretty.

  • 8. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  February 21st, 2008 at 08:56

    She looks as rough as a badger’s a*se.

  • 9. Chris  |  February 21st, 2008 at 09:37

    But a badger’s arse could lose that rough texture and become smooth and soft… with the nourishing, moisturising powers of healing MELUA ointment!

    …of course, Kev and I know all about the 4 million bicycles in China song…

  • 10. Kevil  |  February 21st, 2008 at 10:51

    Damn them cycling menaces.

  • 11. Auds  |  February 21st, 2008 at 12:47

    there were 9 million – it’s China man, there’s bound to be loads more.

  • 12. Kevil  |  February 21st, 2008 at 13:14

    Oh and for the record… I think shes quite pretty. Not that I’d rub her on my arse.

  • 13. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  February 22nd, 2008 at 08:59

    So she’s pretty but not pretty enough to rub on your arse? So who would be pretty enough to rub on your arse? Kate Nash? Jessica Alba?

  • 14. Chris  |  February 22nd, 2008 at 22:45

    However million bicycles there are, I certainly don’t care.

    Bill Bailey informed us how many cordless power drills there are in the Amazon.

  • 15. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  February 23rd, 2008 at 11:04

    That’s the sort of information I want sticking out of my pipes, none of this nonsense about by-sycles.

    What would you do though if you found Katie Melua trying to rub her face on your arse?

  • 16. Chris  |  February 23rd, 2008 at 12:04

    I’d give her a piece of my mind. A big, dripping slab of it. And it would be administered with a hammer.

  • 17. Kevil  |  February 23rd, 2008 at 16:11

    I too would probably kick her in the chops.

  • 18. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  February 24th, 2008 at 19:38

    We should all take turns. It’d be a good way of bringing the nation together. Sod all this national identity and diversity; all we need to do is find Melua, tie her to a lampost and let people smack her over the head with planks.

  • 19. Minion  |  February 24th, 2008 at 19:38

    PLANKY SMACK SMACK!

  • 20. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  February 24th, 2008 at 19:38

    Thank you minion.

  • 21. Kevil  |  February 26th, 2008 at 16:17

    Yes… good job Minion. Now fetch me an otter and some beef crisps.

  • 22. Minion  |  February 27th, 2008 at 12:16

    Here iiiis your otta n criiiiisps!

  • 23. Mad Hatter  |  February 27th, 2008 at 12:17

    CHANGE PLACES!


Recent Comments

Calendar

September 2019
M T W T F S S
« Jan    
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30  

Pages

Posts by Category

Chris’s Twitterings

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Ian’s Twitterings

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Kev’s Twitterings

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.