Bunter the Owl

May 16th, 2008

Now, there isn’t much scope for wildlife in Willington Quay.  Unless of course you include my downstairs neighbours.  But, and Bill Oddie would be sooooooooooooooo proud, we have an OWL.  Yes, gennelmen, an OWL.  I hear it in the mornings, McIver doesn’t and in fact takes the piss out of me because of it.  But its there.  It has been known to park its bum on my roof.  I have christened him “Bunter” in homage to Frank Richards wonderful character, Billy Bunter, aka “The Fat Owl of the Remove”.  So its either that, or McIver is really Harry Potter and the owl is there as his postal system.

Entry Filed under: Loins

33 Comments

  • 1. Kevil  |  May 16th, 2008 at 14:46

    I think McIvers Secret Potter Post Owl sounds quite likely actually.

  • 2. Chris  |  May 16th, 2008 at 15:18

    My bedroom is in a dormer and on a morning I can hear the individual footsteps of birds as they walk around on top of it and make cooing noises.

    Sometimes I bang the ceiling and they all fly away.

    (McIver is Harry Potter btw, it’s the worst-kept secret in magic)

  • 3. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 19th, 2008 at 08:01

    When did I become Harry Potter? Was it when that man stuck a lightning bolt on me for’ead?

    If I’m being honest I have been inviting me owl’s friends round for tea and then eating them the next day. Call me a coward but I just don’t like buying owls from the supermarket. I get funny looks.

  • 4. Auds  |  May 19th, 2008 at 08:53

    And to think Aldi expanded just so they could introduce an Owl section.

  • 5. Chris  |  May 19th, 2008 at 11:05

    It was on the 14th June 2001. I remember the parting of the skies and faint smell of toffee as though it was only yesterday.

  • 6. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 19th, 2008 at 17:20

    I think Hootie is a better name for an owl. Not that I have many owl-related thoughts during the day.

  • 7. Auds  |  May 20th, 2008 at 09:00

    Hootie is too obvious. Every owl I have ever met was called Hootie.

  • 8. Chris  |  May 20th, 2008 at 11:24

    Call it Wilberforce. That’s a rare enough name for any carnivorous bird.

  • 9. Auds  |  May 20th, 2008 at 12:28

    he’ll get an identity crisis. He already answers to Bunter.

  • 10. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 20th, 2008 at 12:51

    He doesn’t answer to owt, he doesn’t exist. All you can hear are the hootings from Cranford echoing in your mind.

    That’s not Trevor Eve.

  • 11. Auds  |  May 20th, 2008 at 13:45

    McIver, you are in denial (not the river in Egypt). He answers to his name, Bunter. When I shout of him, he comes to me. I am training him. His favourite food is jaffa cakes. Have you not noticed how the jaffa cakes have depleted since Bunter moved in with us?

    who are you?

  • 12. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 21st, 2008 at 08:19

    Yeah sure, the “owl” ate the jaffa cakes. I completely believe you.

    Don’t call me a dity bum boy!

  • 13. Auds  |  May 21st, 2008 at 08:57

    A “dity” bum boy. Don’t you mean a “dirty” bum boy?

  • 14. Kevil  |  May 21st, 2008 at 11:08

    Does Ians ass sing dittys?

  • 15. Auds  |  May 21st, 2008 at 12:27

    I wouldn’t exactly say “sing”.

  • 16. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 21st, 2008 at 12:37

    So I parp a lot, who doesn’t? Just because my loins are a little more confused than usual doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.

    And yes it sings, it’s sings like a bitch baby!

  • 17. Chris  |  May 21st, 2008 at 13:26

    Dity bum boy? Sounds like something Sean Paul would sing about.

    If he wasn’t a failure who is now sweeping streets.

  • 18. Auds  |  May 21st, 2008 at 14:40

    there’s none of that stuff in Cranford

  • 19. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 23rd, 2008 at 12:30

    What, bums singing ditties or pop ragga r ‘n’ b street sweepers?

  • 20. Auds  |  May 23rd, 2008 at 13:26

    not a sausage

  • 21. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 27th, 2008 at 07:50

    So now there’s no bums singins, r ‘n’ b street sweepers or sausages in Cranford? What did they do for entertainment and eat for breakfast?

    I think I’d go mad.

  • 22. Auds  |  May 27th, 2008 at 08:56

    Well, for entertainment they go and watch Indiana Jones and the Supermarket Trolley twice in 3 days, and for breakfast they eat crunchy nut cornflakes on toast washed down with a magnum of um bongo.

  • 23. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 27th, 2008 at 17:02

    It’s Kingdom of t’crystal skull actually, get it right! 😛

    And there’s nowt wrong with Um Bongo. You wait until the Waitrose in Newcastle opens up, you’ll be queuing up for it at 6am.

  • 24. Auds  |  May 28th, 2008 at 09:15

    Sorry. Indiana Jones and the Supermarket Trolley is the next film, where Dale Winton plays Indy, and Harrison Ford plays his dad. Sean Connery is granddad Jones, and the blonde welsh slapper from Gavin and Stacey plays the lurve interest.

  • 25. Auds  |  May 28th, 2008 at 09:20

    And before he gets any taller, we could get Reuben to play Short Round – after all, the boy did say he wants to get a job to earn monies. I think this would be the perfect opportunity.

    Ian would be one of those “pushy fathers” who could give up work to be Reuben’s manager.

  • 26. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 30th, 2008 at 09:04

    If you’d actually gone to see the film you’d know that because it’s set 18 years after ‘Last Crusade’ that unfortunately Henry Jones Snr is now dead 😛 so no it wouldn’t be possible.

    I don’t think I could give up work, even if it was to boss some kid around 😀

  • 27. Auds  |  May 30th, 2008 at 09:08

    Well if you had ever watched the pile of poo called Dallas that I was an avid fan of in the 1980s, you would know that they can make people come back from the dead. So it is not out of the realms of possibility – Harry Ford could play Indy’s dad’s long lost twin brother or some such tosh and bollocks.

  • 28. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 30th, 2008 at 16:34

    You and your Cranford know nothing about proper films, and this is films not ruddy television.

    Bleugh

  • 29. Auds  |  June 2nd, 2008 at 10:21

    I know someone who is trying to steal an Indiana Jones watch from HIS OWN SON.

  • 30. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  June 3rd, 2008 at 08:16

    You wouldn’t let it lie, you would? You would not let it lie

    (classic quote)

  • 31. Auds  |  June 3rd, 2008 at 09:04

    If the cap (or fedora) fits, wear it.

  • 32. Chris  |  June 3rd, 2008 at 10:58

    Now now, children. Have a piece of cheese.

  • 33. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  June 3rd, 2008 at 18:51

    *smothers himself in cheese, then tilts his head and squints with delight*


Something random

Archives

Categories