Love Don’t Live Here Anymore

February 3rd, 2009

Dear the 1980’s,

                         How are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while. Come to think of it you haven’t been in touch for at least, what, nineteen years now? That is quite a long time. Being only twenty-five that’s most of my life. Have you been up to much? Occasionally something will come up and I’ll think of you: Thundercats, Transformers, A-Ha and the likes of school boy memories that I have since forgotten about or shunned for much more up-to-date stuff like the fact that you can now buy mobile phones that do almost anything. You tried those didn’t you 1980’s? You tried so hard but it was such a brick you can’t help but look back and laugh. Some things were acceptable in the 80’s, according to some berk, however that clearly wasn’t.

You also tried games consoles too. I had to wait ten minutes for my brother’s BBC Master to load up Ziggy and by then I had to go for my bath. It was pretty pathetic. Rubbish even! Now you can crack off some inane RPG online like World of Warcraft within minutes and play with people all over the world, can sneak around in realistic environments in Metal Gear (do you remember that? Your version had dodgy colours) or play Mario Kart on the shitter. Such things were just a dream to you 1980’s.

I don’t mean to be mean but when you keep away this long I cannot help but feel bitter, like you couldn’t even be bothered to write or leave a message or anything. Occasionally something like ‘We Love 1980’s’ would come on and I would get excited thinking that you were coming back. Nothing. Monster Munch and Whispas were returned to our shops. Nothing. It’s just not good enough and I can’t just hang around every day waiting and expecting the same thing we had nineteen years ago. So it’s over, 1980’s. Just go and don’t even try any snivelling apology. Stay away and never come back.

Yours Sincerely

Ian McIver

P.S. Although if you do have some Lucky Charms left I’ll take some. I’m not paying to import the mo’ fo’s from the US – they can whistle dixie for all I care!

Entry Filed under: Great,Ian,Loins,Shut up


  • 1. The 1980s  |  February 3rd, 2009 at 14:08

    Hi Ian,

    Sorry to hear this but I understand the way you feel. I can’t pretend I’m not upset. I don’t know who to talk to.

    I was so determined to perfect the synth drum machine that I locked myself away in the shed for years, messing with sampled sounds and midi loops and touch-sensitive trigger pads. Human League had signed up to put their endorsement on the box when it was done.

    Then I came back in about 1998 and found that everyone was back on the old real-life drum kits. I was so ashamed that I didn’t dare show my face again. I should have called or something, because we had something really special going on, but I suppose I was just in a real state with the fate of my synth drum kit.

    If you ever change your mind, you know where I am.

    Love always,

    The 1980s

  • 2. Kevil  |  February 3rd, 2009 at 15:14

    Dear 1980’s

    Let me just jump in here… I barely remember you, and your lack of contact has done nothing to convince me that you weren’t a bit of fluff that was bearly worth noting at the back end of the 20the Century.

    I did like you for the toys and some of the cartoons, but I’m not sure i can forgive you for leading me to believe that we’d all be living in space by now. Where is my god-damned hover board?

    Dont even start me on the music….

    Now run along back to your shed, with a bit of luck, you’ll be fashionable again soon, it seems to be the 70’s at the minute so give it another 10 years or so.


    Kevin Hill

  • 3. Chippety Mew  |  February 3rd, 2009 at 18:05

    Too right. I too feel cheated. I always wanted to have a huge, badly-computerised version of Jaws come out and try to eat me and it never happened.

    You also claimed that video killed the radio star. Excuse me, but if you turn on the radio now there’s more channels than ever thanks to DAB and the like.

    1980’s there are more minuses than plusses at the moment. Please explain yourself.

  • 4. Chris  |  February 6th, 2009 at 10:28

    I don’t understand how you’re able to write to a decade, especially one that finished 19 years ago, or how it can reply. Is this some kind of group hallucination?

    If so, how do I join in?

  • 5. Chippety Mew  |  February 6th, 2009 at 18:01

    You see you, right, you need to see to believe. Then when you see, right, you see how it all works. Once the seeing is over you believe and believing is how to see.


  • 6. Chris  |  February 19th, 2009 at 15:01

    I can’t believe that I can even see. Where does that leave me?

  • 7. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  February 24th, 2009 at 09:22

    That leaves ye with the ability to see whereas whilst you normally need three two eyes will dee.


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