Uncomfortable Conversations With Strangers: #729 – Takeaway

December 4th, 2009

Stood in the takeaway after going to Digital at about half two in the morning. The pizza has been ordered and it’s taking longer than it should. I spy a strange looking man stood directly opposite me and even though I’m watching the awful music video on the TV behind him I can tell he thinks I’m looking at him and debating whether or not to come over and start a…

“You know that food shop two places down?”

Erm yeah.

“Don’t go in there. The guy touches himself up whilst he’s doing the food. Behind the counter when you’re not looking he’s doing it. You believe me, don’t you?”

Of course I do man.

“It’s disgusting, it’s just disgusting. Touching yourself and doing the food and… it’s disgusting…”

He then proceeds to wander off with his equally odd-looking friend.

I didn’t sign up for that.

Entry Filed under: Bedtime stories,Look at this,Tragic

8 Comments

  • 1. Chris  |  December 4th, 2009 at 19:22

    It’s true though, he does. I seen him and his dirty sweaty hands touching all the food.

    Once he dropped a few pickled onions down there, just to feel the cool, moist orbs rattling his particulars.

  • 2. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver  |  December 6th, 2009 at 10:03

    For a moment I thought that you were in on it given that you used to do the same thing with fresh eggs from the farm at school.

    I have since changed my mind.

  • 3. Chris  |  December 6th, 2009 at 18:45

    Nah, the fresh eggs thing was because they were warm, and they also had the element of danger. What if one cracked? Yeah, I was a real thrill-seeker in those days.

    Scary apples.

  • 4. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver  |  December 6th, 2009 at 23:09

    That’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever said. Period. I think you should treat it as a personal best and have a slap up meal with friends.

    Not me though. You might “loin rub” the eggs again.

  • 5. Chris  |  December 7th, 2009 at 00:08

    The worst? Don’t you remember the thing about the wooden spoon? (I can find it if you like, it’s on here somewhere.)

  • 6. Ian  |  December 7th, 2009 at 21:25

    You will need to refresh my memory with visual aides so I can compile a cohesive list.

    Find it boy, find it!

  • 7. Chris  |  December 10th, 2009 at 16:45

    You’ll be wanting THIS.

  • 8. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver  |  December 10th, 2009 at 22:44

    I don’t want that.


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