Second Essay – Roundabouts

I once had a thought that it would be cool to have a dream about roundabouts. It seems like such a waste, just advertising and a few shrubs. Perhaps there are raccoons living there I’m not too sure. There must be something more we could do with them. I don’t know about everyone else but I would prefer them to be triangles more than anything else. Equilateral. All the same size and length, yeah, that’s sexual. Triganometry baby. Flip those formulas for me.

I once ran through a roundabout and jumped off it, much in the same way Burt Reynolds does to every other car in Smokey and the Bandit. Unfortunately he never encountered the problems I did. I didn’t realise not only how far I was from the edge but also how high up I seemed to be. So I did end up screwing my ankle a bit but it was in the name of silliness so it wasn’t a lost cause. If I owned a roundabout, and I hope to one day, I would do one of two things:

1) Build a castle of miniscule proportions, day a moat and live there like an eccentric millionaire. I wouldn’t even have to actually be one providing I could pay for the construction, the workers, the water and of course a huge drawbrdige (but of miniscule proportions). Or…

2) Have a huge sign saying, “Come here, free money!” with a big arrow pointing down at the ground. Then I’d dig a huge hole (because everything’s huge nowadays, ‘cept phones and that), cover it with a huge (see?) green sheet with a picture of painted grass on to fool peoplem and then place like a suitcase full of money in the middle to lure them in. Once they’re caught they would have two options…

a) Live there and learn to appreciate the wonder of roundabouts. Or…

b) Join my secret underground organisation to secretly re-shape all the roundabouts into triangles. If they did decide to join my zany crusade then they’d have two employment packages they could choose from…

i) 28 days holiday, use of my set square whenever they wish, a share of my internet company called Mack Dynamics. Or…

ii) 20 days holiday, the chance to touch my set square, a share of and the chance to star in subsequent feature films made by the subsiduary company of Mack Dynamics being Mack Attack films. If they did decide to choose this one…

Let’s just say there’s a lot of decisions to be made when there’s roundabouts involved. I see it as a huge flow chart. Everyone else sees it as a waste of time. Yankee Doodle Dandy. If you see a quarter in your pie…