User avatarB R E A K F A S T

Or as I like to call it, B to the R to the E-A KFAST.

As it is considered to be the most important meal of the day I can understand why some people would think and possibly overthink the process. They may take time picking out what they were planning to eat or there is a particular routine which must be seen through from start to finish before moving on.

There are some though that take it a step too far. One of these people is my sister. This is the sort of marvel that has to be seen to be believed but I will do my best to convey the absurdity of it all. It is a ten step program so let’s begin:

1. Take two different packets of cereal, in this case bitesize Shredded Wheat and obnoxious granola.
2. Line the bottom of your bowl with a layer of bitesize Shredded Wheats, about 7 or 8.
3. Pick them up and individually snap them in two.
4. Worry that you’ve taken too much.
5. Convince yourself that you’ve got the right amount.
6. Pour in the obnoxious granola.
7. Be sure to take out the raisins (we wouldn’t want any taste in there, right?).
8. Smear, not pour, smear half a pot of plain Activia yoghurt over the cereal collection.
9. Fold in the yoghurt so that all or most of the cereal is smothered.
10. Eat and enjoy?

Note that the bitesize Shredded Wheat will be a lot more resistant to the yoghurt that the granola will be and take this into consideration. Please also be aware that should some raisins be left in the mix this is acceptable as they cannot kill.

I hope that this inspires people to be less fussy about their eating habits. I know that it won’t though and the world will carry on spinning with the same amount of spanners who make everyone’s lives that little bit more interesting yet annoying.

I think that it would also make a good poster so any budding artists who want to take a punt please be my guest.

9 comments to B R E A K F A S T

  • Kevil

    What a ninny. Give her a variety pack of coco pops and tell her to get on with it!

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I wish. She’s dead set in her ways so there’s no going back now. She will continue to be a fussy old lady. I can only imagine the hoops she has to jump through just to make some toast.

  • This is awful. I’m sure there’s some sort of home for people like her.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    FINALLY someone who ACTUALLY BASICALLY responds to posts.

    She still defends her actions as though I’m supposed to believe they are of a normal person. It’s the smearing and the talking to herself that worry me the most.

  • Kevil

    I ACTUALLY and BASICALLY responded. You BASTARD.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Once and then you scuttled away like that crab of yours, except it’s all modern and polished up like a tart dressed in a gumdrop.

  • He’s responded twice now, though. Your theories are being blown out of the water faster than something that is in the water but which has exceptionally good uplift when blown, and which has been positioned next to a thing that blows extremely well right in the direction of the first thing.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    So… so what you’re saying is that I’m a genius?

  • If you define genius as “Someone whose viso/volto is often faulty” then yes.

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