User avatarBad Day

So, after faffing around in the dark for five minutes, I sit down again on the floor and realise I’ve forgotten to get the scissors.

Rewind to five minutes prior to this. At the entrance to the kitchen I forgo turning the lights on, because I’ve lived in the flat over ten years and I know where everything is, and blunder in. In my haste I flap my arms and accidentally knock over the half-filled cup of tea sitting on the side. The tea quickly streams along the kitchen top and filters down through the drawer and the cupboard, before resting peacefully on the floor in a heap. I already feel warm, now my face is positively beaming with embarrassment.

Half an hour prior, Reuben is heading off to bed. As he slips under the covers, I reach over to grab some bags from the floor that need sorting. Something though is amiss; my hands feel wet. I look up and nothing has leaked through the ceiling. “Did you spill your drink?” I ask. “No dad,” he replies. I raise the hand to my nose and sniff. Oh joy, it’s cat piss. The cat has snuck into my room and decided to piss over my stuff, oh, and a brand new pair of school trousers too. Excellent. I’m so glad I had nothing planned for the rest of the evening, now I can put another load of washing to get rid of that oh so beautiful kitty urine aroma. Splendid.

It was not a good day.

19 comments to Bad Day

  • When are you going to learn to turn the lights on when you enter a dark room? All the stories you’ve told us about your misfortunes lately could have been avoided if you weren’t so strangely reluctant to operate a light switch.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    That thought had occurred to me, although a lack of light cannot explain the cat whizzing over everything.

  • Maybe if you put the lights on once in a while the cat would have some idea of the layout of the flat so it could find a more appropriate whizzing arena.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Perhaps a head torch is in order. That way I can see and look fashionable at the same time. Headlamps are right on the fashions.

  • It’s not a bad idea. How would you attach it to the cat’s head?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Staples or super glue have never failed me. Cats love attention and adhesives.

  • They do. Is it worth prototyping it with Pritt Stick?

  • Always. If I didn’t do it then who would?

    Nobody. Exactly. Pass me my thinking grenades…

  • Your… your what?

  • Now, THIS is a good invention.

    Cats are like silent piss ninjas, if they could see where they were pissing, perhaps they’d be more considerate. Or more likely you could see where the little fuckers were sniffing around and shuff them away.

  • Silent piss ninjas. Now THAT’S a film I’d watch.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Isn’t that the new Tim Burton film?

  • Are Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp playing the piss ninjas? If so, then yes.

  • Is it moody, gothy, stop motion? If so, then yes.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Gothic stop motion piss ninjas. Kids will love it. It also sounds like a band I would like for thirty seconds until somebody else hears about them.

  • I heard that Gothic Stop Motion Piss Ninjas are into nu-metal and don’t sound anything like the Clash.

  • Gothic Stop Motion Piss Ninjas were interviewed on Radio 1 by Nick Grimshaw this morning. Sell-outs!

  • I stopped looking when I realised I’d finished typing their name. God, I hate them!

  • Madge

    I agree with Chris5156. When are you going to turn lights on when you go into a dark room.

    And B – how many times have I told you to KEEP YER BLOODY DOOR SHUT, you know what Sammy is like – he’s not called Pissin Sid for nowt!

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