User avatarBBC New Sitcom of the Year 2016 Awards

Good Evening and welcome to the very exciting but very poorly worded ‘BBC New Sitcom of the Year 2016 Awards’. We are judging the suggestions for sitcoms provided by you, the general public, and we are down to the last three.

There will, of course, be a very extensive and elaborate voting process which will commence once the three entries have been revealed. All you need to do is press one of the conveniently-placed buttons on your remote control to vote for your favourite.

Here are the final three entries for your consideration:

BookChop

Deirdre Hanginglass has a dream. Her dream is to own her very own bookshop in the centre of Ipswich. After gaining a wealth of knowledge following her stint in other shops, and with a hefty loan from the bank, she thinks she has found the ideal place. The only problem is that she can only afford half the rent.

Enter Leanne Pandonberry. Leanne is an aspiring butcher who has worked her way through butcher college to gain the qualifications needed. After her Auntie Maeve passed away, leaving a handsome gift, Leanne too seeks shelter within the confines of Ipswich city centre only to find prices just a little too much. Deirdre and Leanne decide to join forces and open the UK’s very first joint butcher book shop.

How can they possibly hope to cope working in opposite ends of the work spectrum? Can uptight Leanne ever hope to mesh with the laid-back antics of Deirdre? And who owns the mysterious milk crate in the back alley?

Dracu-later

Dracula is dead; killed by Jonathan Harker, crumbled to dust. Only he’s not. It was all an act to make everyone go away and leave him alone.

The outside world just wasn’t made for the Count and his crazy hoardes. All he wanted was to suck a couple of necks and nothing more. And with this in mind, he disappears into the shadowy forests surrounding his castle.

That is until he returns. The year is 1987 and life has moved on. The relatives of Van Helsing live on, unaware of Dracula’s continued life. The Count has met a most fortunate woman, Mabel, and following a successful romance moved in with her in a comfy semi-detached hovel in Middlesbrough. The house next door is up for sale and following a successful bid at a local auction the property is sold to… Milo and Janice Van Helsing!

Dracula now not only has to struggle with living in suburbia, and keep his job at Rumbelows, but also keep his true identity hidden from his new neighbours. Can he maintain his begonias and stop himself from sucking the local cats dry?

It would appear as though our final entry, ‘Apple Jews’, about a group of sexy young Jewish men and women working in an Apple store, has had to be disqualified for blatant product placement.

That therefore leaves only two entries in the running.

If you would like to vote for ‘BookChop’ please press the ‘slow’ button on your remote. If you would prefer to opt for ‘Dracu-later’ then please caress the button that looks like a meteor crashing into the sea.

17 comments to BBC New Sitcom of the Year 2016 Awards

  • I pressed my button, but nothing happened. Did my vote register?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Yes it did, unfortunately ‘Homo-Rexuals’, about a group of thirty something gay dinosaurs was eliminated in the previous round. We understand and register your interest but please vote for a current entry. Try again.

  • My button seems to be stuck down, possibly due to an unfortunate liquid spillage. How many times have I voted?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Having checked the records it would appear as though you have voted 817 times albeit for one of the Spanish entries. Whilst we do support our compadres working abroad, if you do wish to vote for ‘Que Hora Es, Senor Lobo?’ in the Spanish Sitcom of the Year 2016 Awards please do so by the official channels.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    #spillage

  • OK, I’ve run my remote control under the tap to clean it, and now the buttons don’t work.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I would recommend a good firm handshake and a pocketful of kryptonite.

  • I pressed again, did it come through this time?

  • I cut up a sticky label into little bits and used it to re-label the buttons, then I pressed the one that my new label said was the right one. Did it work now?

    While I was doing it, I labelled one of the buttons “ham” and I pressed it but so far no ham has arrived so maybe the batteries need replacing.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    It did work. We are all truly thankful for your vote. Please provide your correspondence address and a series of “bonuses” will follow.

  • Excellent. You may correspond with me at the following address.

    Mr Christopher Five One Five Six B.A. (Hons.)
    PO Box 1
    A Small Rubber Dinghy Afloat in Rutland Water
    Rutland

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    My mate has the one directly opposite yours. The one with a moosing canoe in it. Or is it canoeing moose? I forget.

  • Oh, I know the one. If you see him tell him the milkman wants to settle up but he’s always out.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Maybe he should join our game of cards then. If he’s always out I might have a chance to win.

  • Well I don’t think Kev is going to play any time soon so he may as well take the spare seat.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I’d crack off a couple of zingers but he has started commenting so they’ll have to wait…

  • Hold on to them. They’ll come in soon enough.

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