User avatarBest Laid Plans – Update

Every man has a dream.

Unfortunately it seems as though every dream comes with a cost and a price tag. Yes, both.

Not too long ago I stole someone else’s dreams. I wanted to have coast to coast goats in order to satisfy the need for goats. The world was crying out for goats and nobody was delivering them. Who was I to deny the world their dreams whilst satisfying my own at the same time?

So it happened. I wheeled out the goats and in one long, glorious line they stretched from Blackpool in the West to Scarborough in the East. It resembled something akin to Hadrian’s Wall, except with goats. It was like the Great Wall of China, but with goats instead of walls. And so the people came together and decided to name my wonderful wall of goats. It’s just a shame that they didn’t think to put more effort into it; Goat Wall.

The Goat Wall was an immediate success, even if Joey Essex did travel up and tried to cut it with a huge pair of novelty scissors. Fanatics took to patting the heads of each and every goat in the Goat Wall. Postcard enthusiasts took pictures and start selling photos of the Goat Wall several minutes before it had even opened, much was their frenzy. Members of the mailing list were picked at random and given signed photos of the most popular goats. It was exactly the kind of support the Goat Wall needed to get up and running.

That was it though. It seemed as though I had overestimated the need for goats and no matter what I did, even selling tickets from door to door like a common bed-wetter, the bright spark that once fuelled my dreams was dabbled with mascarpone. Even if I wanted coast-to-coast goats nobody else did. So now they stand, once titans in their field, now reduced to squabbling amongst themselves for the last blade of grass. I want to keep them but I’m sending them away to the farthest parts of the globe in the hope that maybe the world will appreciate them more than Great Britain. Maybe Global Goats is the way forward, and thus my dream morphs into something else. Maybe this time next year Global Goats will be one of the eight wonders of the world…

8 comments to Best Laid Plans – Update

  • There’s nothing wrong with having something dabbled in mascarpone. I frequently dabble my pasta sauces with mascarpone and it makes them thicker, creamier and more satisfying.

    Mascarpone. It’s better than goats. (TM)

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Trust you to take the side of the cheese rather than the goats, after EVERYTHING the goats have done for you.

    What about that time in ’95?

  • Goats have never even ONCE made a pasta sauce thicker, creamier or more satisfying – let alone all three. Whereas just last night some mascarpone turned up unexpectedly on a pizza I was eating and made it categoricaly 22% better than it would otherwise have been.

    You can poke your goats. It’s cheese for me.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    There’s nay goat poking going on over here anymore. They’ve all gone away now. I was disappointed to find the one that said he was heading for Chile working at Primark in the city centre.

    Our eyes met and he turned away in shame.

  • I bet that got your goat!

    Sounds like you scored an own goat there!

    And so on.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Goat on a bit more then, don’t feel as though shrew should stop sow.

  • No. Owl stop. I can’t mink of any more.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Okay, if that’s owl you can muster hen so be it. Otter posts will struggle to match this level of intelligence.

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