User avatarBig Frank’s Global Domination – Boats and Boards

It would appear as though modes of transport feature prominently in Big Frank’s corporate takeover of everything. And why shouldn’t it? Without transportation the world would be a shuffling mass of high-waisted, thick legged, wind-encrusted bipedal animals. One cannot take lightly the invention of the steamroller, the tractor, the ice cream or hot dog cart and the penny farthing. I could not get from ‘A’ to ‘B’ and maybe sidle over to ‘E’ when I’m feeling funky unless I had my trusty one of them mentioned above.

And so we move on from my common ramblings to the business at hand:

Big Frank’s Outdoors

It would appear as though Frank is trying to reprimand the whole of the outside world, and what a feat that would be if he was successful. As well as this though his business, located in the shady realm of Maryville, Tennessee, does a broad deal in boats, boards and cycling equipment.

The blurb says that, “after enjoying a successfully 17 year career in sales with two national corporations, he decided it was time to follow his passion. His love of adventure and the great outdoors was calling and it was time to answer.  Frank started Big Frank’s Outdoors with the hopes of combining his business knowledge and his favourite hobbies biking, boarding, and boating.” This is clearly our Big Frank.

One of my first meetings with him was when I went round to see Chris. Big Frank was balanced on a boat, floating in the back garden, trying to pop a wheelie on a mountain bike. It was the most incredible thing I had seen that morning and a memory that will stay with me long after the curtains have closed on my sorry a*s. He does love his bike-balancing escapades.

I only wish his “Outdoors” was close enough for me to visit and share the love. It wouldn’t be global domination though if all his conquests were on my doorstep. In fact it would be fairly narrow-sighted and just a little big lacking if I walked outside of work to see Big Frank’s face across the road. No, it is obvious that in order to continue his empire he must spread like a soft cheese around the world.

I look forward to where he lands next.

9 comments to Big Frank’s Global Domination – Boats and Boards

  • Many’s the time I’ve headed home for the weekend, only to find Big Frank is away in Maryville TN again. As he gets older his passion for boarding only gets stronger.

    (I don’t know what boarding is, I assume it’s in the sense of “boarding kennels”.)

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I know exactly what boarding is. I’m always boarding. In fact, I’m boarding right now. I’m boarding and blogging, that’s what I do.

    (No idea either, I presume boarding like surfing but lying on your front on a board in the water.)

    Does your dad do lectures? Maybe he can instruct us about boarding.

  • No, he doesn’t do lectures. You can’t lecture while boarding and, as Big Frank says, boarding is as boarding does.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    That’s so true. In fact, that’s so true it should be on a motivational poster hanging in my office.

    Does your dad do merchandise? Maybe he can sell me a poster about boarding.

  • You can’t get that quote on a poster, but you can get it from Big Frank’s Outdoors printed onto a board, which is actually much more appropriate.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    That’s a shame. I may have to make my own then. I can’t afford a board at the moment, it’s a poster or nothing.

    Does your dad licence out his words? Maybe he could licence me that phrase about boarding.

  • No, but have a word with Frankie and she might be willing to let you have the “Bee Bay” poem on a poster if you make her a decent offer.

  • I think we already stole that one, and as she’s probably lost the note by now, we can always claim ‘prior art’.

    (Laugh for me minion)

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Oh erm… Bwa!

    (the minion is on holiday today, soz Kev)

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