User avatarBlack Sunday

Here at the Beans we are not prepared to jump abroad whatever flashy trashy spur of the moment, king for a day, soup du jour bandwagon everyone else is desperately trying to hoist themselves onto. No. What we stand for is dignity, truth and ultimately originality.

So this gives me great pleasure to unveil a list of special, rare, only available for one moment items on this very blackest of Black Sundays. Feast for eyes on these sweaty mommas:

Lense Catcher

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Such a marvel. What we have here is a stylish plastic container specifically designed to look after your eyes. It oozes desirability and can be filled with water and used to cool your finger tips. This will certainly be the talking point of any fancy dinner or soiree you decide to host. Can also be used as a training potty for very small animals; £499.99.

Bus Pigeon

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The Bus Pigeon, or Le pigeon de l’arrêt de bus as it is sometimes known, is only known to surface one day of the year. It you can catch it then it will bring you good luck and fortune, and it also increases your ability to play both Connect 4 and mini golf. Sleek and modern, a veritable treasure trove of danger and beauty; £999.99.

Street Literature

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This edition of the Argos catalogue is now so rare that only the CEO has a copy. It features a cartoon of all the financial directors laughing at everyone who buys their items full price when they could easily get them from Amazon for a third of the cost. There’s a rumour Bobby Costanzo has a framed copy hovering above his midnight toilet; £4,999.99.

Act now!!

One per person per household per county per country per kingdom.

15 comments to Black Sunday

  • I’d like a Bus Pigeon (je voudrais un pigeon de l’arret de bus) to go with my collection of ducks and other birds (pour complementer mon collection des canards et autres oiseaux).

    My favourite thing about Black Sunday is how the items cascade down the page at an angle.

  • Kevil

    BIRD GOOSE!

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    The cascading was an unexpected surprise. I never meant to do it but the way it turned out who am I to comment? Other than this comment, of course. And this one.

  • I think you’re Ian “Mac Mac Mac Mac” McIver to comment. When not commenting you sometimes go by other names.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Wait a minute. Wait a gosh darn cotton-picking minute. Who uncascaded my cascading?

  • Elena....

    It never cascaded for me….just saying.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Wait wait WAIT clearly what my mobile did was uncascaded the cascading when really the cascading was still cascaded. Phew. I don’t know about you but I lost some serious sleep over that last night.

    You need more cascading in your life, Miss Wolfson. Might I interest you in a series of cascading penguins?

  • The variable cascadery here is making me feel nauseous.

  • Kevil

    HORSE GOOSE!

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    And this is how Kevin comes up with posts for the Beans, ladies and gentlemen, that is when he’s not walking smugly through his bean empire.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    RHINO DUCK?

  • I just don’t know.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    One of these days we’ll get away with tossing off some nonsense and calling it a post. God I look forward to that day, like a buccaneer with a greased chimp.

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