User avatarBox Memories

The human memory is an unreliable tool. Things that you think you remember can be twisted and exploited because people are unreliable and easily influenced. If, like me, you know how superbly atrocious your mind is you learn to record everything or at least as much as you can in the written form. This is starting to feel like a lecture…

And it’s not. The boxes in the corner of my room have bore witness to many a stimulating conversation over the years and sadly the pen and pencil work is starting to fade. Before all these “ideas” are lost to time I thought it best to record them for posterity here, of all places, so we can revel in their warm fuzziness. You may also be able to help remind me just what the fuck they mean. In no particular order I present ‘Box Memories’:

1. Women’s werewolf rights
2. No HAT, no HOLMES!
3. Jam flaps
4. Flip reverse my sandwich
5. Chris = Biggy Bam
6. Adjacent apples on the shelf of life
7. It’s not what we do, it’s the way we do it
8. Epic nonny
9. Steam hot prayers (that was Tom’s stag do, I remember that)
10. I say it, but I don’t mean it
11. I had big boots that day for sure
12. NEW PAPPLES ALBUM = 15% and rising
13. Anvil hands
14. I’m gonna hit you with the fist of gratitude. SLAP!
15. It was too lonny gone ago…
16. RED WINE = MAN WINE. ROSE = GIRL WINE
17. My moustache is off the scale!
18. Apples for thought
19. MAN LIKES HIS DRINK
20. I’d like a BIG FAT January
21. Gourmet = small and shafted
22. “Sock Lions”
23. … it will make your face bleed with smiles
24. Get your warranty out of my chude!
25. I dream of having a database of moods
26. I need a rocket
27. HAIRY ON THE GO!
28. Total toilet
29. 30 = dead (how nice)
30. Banh-kuok (rolled bread, french bread, bread)
31. Big nay
32. Plentingtons = plenty of things

There’s also a faded flame that appears to say ‘Uncle Now’ and of course the now infamous Michael Jackson test.

Question: Am I dead?

If your answer is yes, you are Michael Jackson
If your answer is no, you are someone else

11 comments to Box Memories

  • Kevil

    The only one of these I remember the birth of is Steaming Hot Prayers. And yes, I think it was something to do with Tom’s stag do. Boom.

  • I remember almost none of these. I know that “banh kuok” is a type of Vietnamese bread.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    You must remember plentingtons, that is your thing. I wrote all of these and I think I remember about 50%. At least they’re all here now for us to… enjoy?

  • I remember the Jacko test as well. I’m pretty sure that was me.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Aye, that was you, along with the vietnamese bread. There’s no way I would have ever come across that on my travels.

  • Were we also adjacent apples on the shelf of life?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    The simple answer is that practically all of them were written during a phone conversation with you. It makes me want to cry with fright.

  • I honestly have no memory of most of them. But I still love them all equally, like badly raised linguistic children.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Yeah. I mean you wouldn’t want to spend every weekend with them but on the odd occasion you’re free and weather is nice you might take them to do something simple like feed the ducks.

  • Exactly. I’d have no issue with pushing Anvil Hands on the swings for an hour or so, maybe buying it an ice cream, on the understanding that I can drop it back off at its mum’s so I was free in the evening.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Lovely little Anvil Hands.

    I would happily take Jam Flaps to the cinema to see the latest film at premium rates. That’s how much I would do that if I were doing that.

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