User avatar New beans, please

“One! Ha ha ha. Two! Ha ha ha. Three! Ha ha ha.” The immortal wisdom of the Count.

Here on the Beans, our counting is not done by a furry purple vampire, but by the Bean Counter, an ingenious piece of machinery made from old sofa springs and a second-hand nuclear reactor that we found […]

User avatar New: Pouring Beans Fragrances

Look at you. You smell. It’s true – I can smell you from here. What you need is a powerful cosmetic fragrance that will mask your horrendous body odour and the presence of three-day-old kedgeree stuck in your teeth.

Luckily, Pouring Beans has just launched its new line of unisex fragrances. To celebrate launch day, […]

User avatar New: the Keep Kev Ill campaign

Since Kev came down with a mystery illness – possibly conjunctivitis, possibly eye flu, possibly his brain leaking out of his face, we don’t know – he has been present here on The Beans much more regularly than usual. That’s had the unusual effect of making the “comments” section of recent blog posts, normally reserved […]

User avatar Official Beans

WE NEED THREE. WE ARE THREE.

We are, indeed, three. Nothing is more recognisable with the Beans brand than our shapely, oddly blank faces. This has been put on everything from lunch boxes to dinner jackets to tiny boxes of matches. We have whored ourselves out for every manner of item available on the market.

[…]

User avatar 2018 State of the Beans Address

Thank you, thank you. You’re very kind. Please be seated.

My name is Professor Sir Elbert Louche OBE, and it is a great pleasure to return to the Beans for a fourth year to deliver the annual State of the Beans Address. As in previous years, the information I am about to share with you […]

User avatar The Book

Rejoice! The Book, bane of the Beans for nine long years, is finished! Now a prestigious company (Pouring Beans Publishing) has rushed out a massive print run (three copies) to an eager and very excited audience (us). It may henceforth be referred to by its title, The Magic Star, or by its actual real genuine […]

User avatar Episode 4: King William’s War

In this vastly delayed episode, Ian and Kev discuss:

A small feud over Stock Aitken Waterman Annexing the Lake District Crumpets Onions

 

https://www.pouringbeans.com/podcast-player/2271/episode-4-king-williams-war.mp3

Download file | Play in new window | Duration: 9:11

 

User avatar Eleven today

Let’s take a moment to remember that it was eleven years ago today that Kev made the first ever post to the Beans.

Much has happened since then. Because of his very busy lifestyle it was also, sadly, Kev’s last post to the site, but in the decade that’s passed since then I have posted […]