User avatar New: the Keep Kev Ill campaign

Since Kev came down with a mystery illness – possibly conjunctivitis, possibly eye flu, possibly his brain leaking out of his face, we don’t know – he has been present here on The Beans much more regularly than usual. That’s had the unusual effect of making the “comments” section of recent blog posts, normally reserved […]

User avatar 2018 State of the Beans Address

Thank you, thank you. You’re very kind. Please be seated.

My name is Professor Sir Elbert Louche OBE, and it is a great pleasure to return to the Beans for a fourth year to deliver the annual State of the Beans Address. As in previous years, the information I am about to share with you […]

User avatar Girly handwriting

In the office at work, my colleague Hal is looking at the equipment book and trying to work out who borrowed something without bringing it back. We write the name of the person and the thing they took and the date we expect it back, and normally we can just recognise the handwriting of the […]

User avatar Beverage news

Are you tired of drinks that are grumpy, uncouth or simply downright rude? Do you long to quench your thirst with a liquid that’s polite and mild-mannered?

Then look no further.

At last, a drink with manners. A tipple fit for gentlemen. Courtesy Water will give you the refreshing taste of water and the […]

User avatar The Stylish Bull

The Stylish Bull looks down upon you, wearing his hat at a fashionably jaunty angle.

The Stylish Bull quizzically raises one eyebrow. No answer you give will meet his expectations.

The Stylish Bull silently judges you.

You leave, ashamed.

User avatar Election results 2017

It’s been an exciting campaign, most of which has happened away from The Beans since the election was first announced back in April which is why we haven’t heard anything about it here since it was first called. But the day is finally here, and the results are in. Let’s go now live to the […]

User avatar Election Update 2017

Generally speaking the nation’s major news outlets are a few steps behind the Beans, so you may not yet have heard that a surprising general election has been called. What does this mean for you? Nobody knows. But it’s OK, because I’m here to answer all the big questions you’ll be worrying about.

What is […]

User avatar Brian May or Bryant May?

It’s a common occurrence. You go to pick up some matches from your local supermarket and accidentally end up trying to escort the guitarist from Queen from the premises who has just stopped by to pick up a crate of aubergines. When the police take you for questioning you explain the situation and all the […]