User avatar Flat Kitty – Presidential Candidate

On the eve of the US presidential election, some might say that attempting to put yourself forward as a candidate now would be a foolish exercise.

Such tomfoolery, however, has never been too far outside the realms of the Beans though. One who is strong of heart and stout of mind can achieve great things […]

User avatar A desperate plea

It has now been many months since we last saw The Book, and understandably all those of us who care deeply about it are becoming concerned for its safety.

Today, Pouring Beans launches a major publicity campaign to alert the British public to the plight of The Book in the hope of seeing it safely […]

User avatar Weather forecast

It’s another scorcher of a day out there, and the hot weather shows no sign of ending.

To find out what’s in store for the next week, here’s the current Pouring Beans Long Range Weather Forecast, sponsored by Frank Fuckle’s Travelling Circus.

29° Thursday 21 July Heatwave continues. Some cloud cover in places will give […]

User avatar Security

These are dangerous times. Terrorism is literally everywhere. Just yesterday I had to take the bins out when the bin bags were only half full because they had terrorists hiding in them. Last Thursday, I went back to a tub of half-eaten strawberry yogurt in the fridge and found that terrorists had eaten the rest […]

User avatar Prepared

How will you defend yourself in an emergency? It’s all well and good saying you can do hand-to-hand combat, or that you know how to hot-wire a car to make a getaway, but when hordes of neer-do-wells are charging towards your location, can you make yourself safe?

Preparation is the most important thing. Preparation will […]

User avatar Newsboost – Bonkers Book Burning Bonanza

Firefighters were called in to deal with a violent blaze in the North East of England this evening.

We have received a report that the Loinsford Memorial Publishing House, which opened only within the last couple of months, is on fire yet again after three previous blazes were started in November […]

User avatar Beans Christmas Raffle!

Hi all, welcome, welcome. It’s that time, not that time again because we haven’t done it before, but that time! Time for the Beans Christmas Raffle!

And boy do we have a doozy of a 1st Prize for you… One lucky winner will* win Chelmsford!

That’s right, the City of Chelmsford is the […]

User avatar The Back Door

Revitalised somewhat by the single slice of ham fed down the side of the hatch by Chris, abandoned by Ian and his selfish demands for ham, and fearing that I may be losing what slim grasp of reality I had left, I steeled myself and set off back into the bowels of the land behind […]