User avatar Big Frank’s Global Domination – Boats and Boards

It would appear as though modes of transport feature prominently in Big Frank’s corporate takeover of everything. And why shouldn’t it? Without transportation the world would be a shuffling mass of high-waisted, thick legged, wind-encrusted bipedal animals. One cannot take lightly the invention of the steamroller, the tractor, the ice cream or hot dog cart […]

User avatar Big Frank’s Global Domination – Cycle Hire

So what do you do in your free time? Do you play the piano or drop pianos on old ladies for fun? Do you read magazines or use magazines to funnel small rodents into old people’s homes?

If you do, then you should be judged for appalling behaviour. That is not on and I will […]

User avatar Brian May or Bryant May?

It’s a common occurrence. You go to pick up some matches from your local supermarket and accidentally end up trying to escort the guitarist from Queen from the premises who has just stopped by to pick up a crate of aubergines. When the police take you for questioning you explain the situation and all the […]

User avatar Remembering is Fun – ‘Kevin’s Favourite Song’

Due to a distinct absence of Kevin and Kevin-based products it now falls upon Chris and myself to fill in the blanks. I’m not very good at grooming poodles or doing up houses so this will be a lengthy and painful process.

I’m also really rank at doing IT. I did an IT once and […]

User avatar 2016 State of the Beans Address

Delegates, please, take your seats. The buffet and free hot drinks will continue to be available during the open seminar at the end of today’s session. There’s no need to push. Settle down, please.

Thank you. Good afternoon. My name is Professor Elbert Louche, and it is my pleasure to have been asked back to […]

User avatar My Four Pounds

I bought a thing off eBay for a Christmas present. It cost me some money, plus £4 post and packaging. That’s reasonable enough. I paid the money and entered my work address for delivery so that it wouldn’t be sent back if I was out.

What I didn’t expect – what nobody expected – was […]

User avatar Spread the Word

From the recent statistical analysis, and customer satisfaction questionnaire, carried out earlier on this year it is quite clear that the average number of visitors to the Beans on a weekly basis has reached it’s highest numbers since the ‘zorse years’. It is estimated that approximately six people, including Kev, come to read and sometimes […]

User avatar Gratuitous self-promotion

I wrote a thing for a blog site that gets even more people visiting and posting comments than The Beans, if you can believe such a thing.

You can read it by clicking on these words, or these words, or this letter Q, but not these words, or this asterisk: *

This post is not […]