User avatar Four Word Reviews: Love Situation

I’m getting used to terrible albums mysteriously landing on my doormat now. I don’t know who sends them or why, but they keep on coming. Normally I’ve heard of the people involved – Vanilla Ice, Clock, that sort of thing, but I have to say I’ve never heard of Gary Wilmot before. I’ve searched the […]

User avatar Four Word Reviews: The Lone Ranger

1995 was an important year. It saw the release of Windows 95, which was the first occasion the Rolling Stones had ever endorsed a 32-bit operating system in a marketing stunt that wasn’t contrived at all. Goldeneye was released, which was the first movie in the James Bond franchise where the game was better than […]

User avatar 2016 State of the Beans Address

Delegates, please, take your seats. The buffet and free hot drinks will continue to be available during the open seminar at the end of today’s session. There’s no need to push. Settle down, please.

Thank you. Good afternoon. My name is Professor Elbert Louche, and it is my pleasure to have been asked back to […]

User avatar Quiet Beans

There hasn’t been much going on during June here at the Beans. Where is everyone? We’ve sent our roving reporter to find out.

[…]

User avatar Dining Alone Diary

Earlier this week I was working away from home for a couple of days which gave me an excellent opportunity to sit around looking like Billy No Mates whenever I wanted to eat something. The experience of dining out alone can vary from crap to middling, so here are my reviews of some of my […]

User avatar A close encounter

So, the other day at work, I was being at work and doing work stuff in one of our little glass boxes, when I became aware of some sort of kerfuffle or brouhaha taking place just outside.

I turned to see a whole crowd of people from around the office floor all trying to take […]

User avatar Loyalty

Where do your allegiances lie? Are you loyal to the Royals? Are you allied to the River Clyde? Are you dutiful to anything beautiful?

Until recently this was a question I just couldn’t answer. I didn’t know whose side I was on. But then someone handed me a little card and my life changed.

[…]

User avatar Proposal: Boring Beans

Good day to you.

I am here to propose a change to this website in light of recent developments.

The Problem

Recently things around here have been too exciting. In just the last three posts there has been talk of goats, owls and handkerchiefs. We cannot go on at this breakneck pace and our readership […]