User avatarChang’d Up / Chang’d Down

It is with a heavy heart and a great overwhelming sense of sadness that I must report that Kevin and his endless stream of DIY must unfortunately come to an end.

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Having spoken with Britain’s ‘newest dad’ (TM) this weekend, he confirmed to me in an exclusive interview that he is done with doing up his diggs.

“Once I’ve finished painting the ceiling in the living room, that’s it, I’m done, no more!” he remarked without a hint of reluctance. At first I thought he was joking but the look on his face said it all, and woe betide me if he appeared almost relieved at the prospect of having a rest from scanting his chandeliers and blowing down his parquet beam shoddery.

What this means for the future is uncertain. The property will remain open to tourists for the next four months but will close prior to the summer period, usually when demand is highest. The rumoured eighth wing will no longer be in development and any hope of that elephant rack in the Southern district is completely off the cards.

All in all it means a net loss for the world and for England’s seventeenth biggest attraction.

22 comments to Chang’d Up / Chang’d Down

  • Chang has done some fine work over the last few years, creating what appears to be the world’s only indoor National Park, amongst other feats.

    I for one feel sorry for the UK’s paint manufacturers who are sure to see an enormous drop in demand if he’s no longer going to be on a continuous programme of renovation.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Not to mention how the timber and double glazing industries are going to take it. There’s a lot of people who are going to be out of a lot of work because of him. I hope he’s aware of this.

  • You’re right. Think of the industry and commerce that relies on this madman’s ever-expanding house. This could trigger a recession. Kevindo’s decision to have a baby might actually plunge the world into another global financial depression.

    I can’t believe how irresponsible he is.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    He’s built up a staggering empire and left it to crumble to dust. Cameron had his hopes on Kevindo’s work being padded out for at least another eighteen months, meaning that 4.5% of our GDP will be missing.

    What a shithouse shambles.

  • I heard that he’s not even going to finish his shithouse shambles. It was supposed to be the centrepiece of his “hobo’s garden” but it hasn’t even got a roof yet.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    You know when you know some people and you wish that you didn’t know them because knowing them was worse than not knowing them?

    This is that.

  • It IS, isn’t it?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    It IS, isn’t it?

  • It IS, though, isn’t it?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I’d say that it IS, isn’t it?

  • I’d have to agree that is IS, isn’t it?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    And you’d be right because it IS, isn’t it?

  • Well, indeed, it IS, isn’t it?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    (I’m going to take this moment to sing ‘Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down’ by the Stereophonics with some “amusing substitutions:

    “Chang Me Up and Chang Me Down
    Chang Me Up and Chang Me Down
    Chang Chang Chang Chang!
    Chang Chang Chang Chang!
    Chang Chang Chang!
    Chang Chang Chang!”)

  • (You ARE, aren’t you?)

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    (I AM, aren’t I? And also I DID, didn’t I?)

  • (You DID, didn’t you?)

  • (He DID didn’t HE!)

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    (I HAD, hadn’t I?)

  • (That’s it. Power on through Kev’s egregious exclamation mark.)

    (You DID, though, DIDN’T you?)

  • (He DID that too, DIDnT hE!)

    (Google is confused about your word…)

  • That’s so blurry. That’s totes blurringtons wordingtons.

    (I DID, didn’t I?)

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