User avatarHow much stuff I own

Moving house is many things, principal among them a pain in the arse. But it is also a golden opportunity to put everything you own in one place and see how much of it there is.

On Friday, I took this van (with exciting tail lift on which I rode up and down a number of times):

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I then inserted into it all my shite:

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The amount of stuff I own is therefore precisely the amount of stuff you see above, plus the clothes I was wearing and a Peugeot 207.

I hope this has been as informative and satisfying for you as it has been for me.

18 comments to How much stuff I own

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    My favourite thing is the box that just says ‘large’ on it. Does it only contain large items?

  • I too like the ‘large’ box but I’m more intrigued by the two bags of elephants on the back of that van. If those are to scale and indeed contain two large elephants, then you do truly own a lot of stuff… and have managed to hire an enormous van.

    Well played sir. Well played.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Why did you leave the red rucksack on the side of the road though? Was it being punished or was it overseeing the move? It looks very authoritative in its position there.

  • Yes, but elephant sacks were a mistake. Really you need rigid containers for elephants, as I found out when I arrived. I had to put the elephants in the bin. They were no use any more.

  • That’s a shame, good elephants are hard to come by these days.

    I think you need to have a long conversation with Red Rucksack. If he was overseeing the whole thing, he should take responsibility for the loss of perfectly serviceable elephants.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    That was clearly the responsibility of the Red Rucksack (because that’s a thing now). You need to find him and give him a card with a stern message in.

  • I’ll be docking his pay, that’s for sure. Red Rucksack has a lot to answer for.

    Also, what’s a ruck?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Alan Ruck was the actor who played Cameron in the hugely popular ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ film. As you’ve never seen a film before, however, this means nothing to you.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    +sighs and shakes his head+

    It’s like Care Bears: The Movie 2 never happened! What’s wrong with you?

  • What’s a “Care Bears:”?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    A little known fact…

    As a child I was frightened of the front of the box for Care Bears: The Movie II. You could rent it from the video shop at the end of row of houses where me mum lives. Happy times.

  • I never liked the Care Bears, but that didn’t stop some member of my family getting me a load of their cartoons on video when I was little.

    They were dogshit, but I wouldn’t learn that word for many years afterwards and so at that age I was unable to properly convey my thoughts about them.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    What did little Chris call them? Potty bandits? Poop Bears? Freaky multi-coloured morning gits?

  • I used to call them Thunderbox Cads. Everyone at my school did.

  • Your school was wrong, so wrong. I’m surprised you made it this far. Does Big Frank still have the vids?

  • Big Frank has all the vids. Including the special German ones he keeps under the counter and you have to ask for with a wink.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Wink vids, yeah I know the sort. No pot noodles in them unless you’re looking for a umm particular niche film.

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