User avatarIt’s Time: Four Word Reviews

Shoddy CDs seem to keep landing on my doormat, so it falls to me to write some more four word reviews. This time, it’s the album “It’s Time…” by Clock, widely regarded as an album nobody remembers from 1995.

If you read the sleeve notes you’ll see that Clock are “ODC MC” and “Tinka”. It was the nineties, you see, so every house band needed a rapper and a sexy dancing woman who did a bit of singing now and then. Clock were actually some blokes from Manchester who churned out house music, and drafted in the two people on the CD to sing the lyrics and be in the promotional material. That’s understandable. If I’d made this album I wouldn’t want my name associated with it either.

It's Time by Clock

This entire album may as well be one single track, made up of thumping synthesized beats with synthesised music over it and occasional tossed-off lyrics that are variously rapped, shouted or (loosely) sung. The fact that all the songs sound more or less the same is not lost on the band, and after their audience have been subjected to twelve full tracks, they then chuck in the “Clock Ten To Two Megamix” at the end, which is a medley of five of the album’s tracks dragged out over almost twenty minutes. This is a particularly impressive feat since the five tracks in question don’t last that long in total. It’s guaranteed to recondition your brain to filter out all sound in an effort to escape it.

Track Title Word 1 Word 2 Word 3 Word 4
1 Intro Embarassing spoken delaying tactic
2 Axel F Ruining the already bad
3 Whoomph! (There It Is) Whoomph! (Awful it is)
4 Everybody Borderline threatening dancing orders
5 Holding On 4 U Female vocalist’s tuneless debut
6 In The House (Live Version) Shouting with sound effects
7 Keep The Fires Burning Probably about sex unfortunately
8 The Rhythm Can’t remember, evidently forgettable
9 Holding On Distracting sampled grunts throughout
10 Keep Pushin’ Endless extended drum fills
11 Clock Carnival Annoying hyperactive sample barrage
12 Secret (Instrumental) Filler album’s filler track
13 Clock Ten To Two Megamix Please please help me

I think my favourite part of this album was when it finished. My second favourite part was in “Intro” where ODC MC spent some considerable time explaining that his name is ODC MC and not MC ODC. My least favourite part of this album is the sound that was audible while it was playing.

In summary, I advise you never to subject yourself to this album for as long as you live. Unless you’re really into mass-produced mid-90s house.

20 comments to It’s Time: Four Word Reviews

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    The only question I have is why is there a clock on the front of the CD?

  • If you look really closely, there are two clocks.

    Does that answer your question?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I never look closely at anything, and no it doesn’t answer my question.

    I would like to change it though to, ‘why does it have an alarm clock on the front?’

  • I see.

    The background colour of the picture is red. Does that answer your question?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Ah it all makes sense now!

    I’d say this was quite a favourable review.

  • It was very favourable, except my opinions.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Your opinion are what make this review a review so without them it’s not a review, it’s something else. So really Clock should be grateful you took the time to review their “colourful” “efforts”.

  • Just as I am “grateful” to Clock that they took the time to “play” this “music”.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    When you say “play” do you mean “toss off”?

  • That’s exactly what I mean. I’m glad you understand me.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Kev was just remarking the other day that he would love to receive a copy because he’s jealous you get to listen to Ten to Two Megamix whenever you like and he doesn’t.

  • It doesn’t surprise me. Megamixes are Kev’s third favourite thing.

  • I love a good megamix, me.

    Jive Bunny was a master of his art.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I once saw Kev dance non-stop to a full forty minute Abba megamix.

    He wasn’t the same person when he came out of it…

  • Kevil

    That DEFINITELY wasn’t me.

    For the record, I FUCKING DESPISE ABBA.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Yeah sure. Yep. I believe that.

    (it was totally him)

  • Was that the Abba Megamix that they gave away free with the Daily Mail?

  • Kevil

    *groan* I can see now why I come back here.

  • That’s the one. The one he took to Sweden to get personally signed by all four members. The one that he played outside their houses until they called her police, or Posheef as they call them out there.

  • By the way, I don’t think he’ll be back for a while, Chris, so feel free to let-off a couple of zingers.

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