User avatarKnee windows

I’m definitely getting old. I mean, we all know this, it’s not news to any of us. But sometimes I still get surprised by my reaction to things.

The other day I was on a London Tubular Train. These are clever trains that have the corners sliced off so that they can run in the sewers. I was listening to a Radio 4 podcast (a sure sign of getting old – surely this should have been a stark reminder of my age) and minding my own business. The train stopped at a station and a young woman got on and sat opposite me.

It was at this moment that I realised that I am definitely getting on a bit.

Young Chris would have seen this young woman and thought well hello there. Young Chris would have been appreciative of her pretty face. Young Chris would have found his thoughts turning to the fact that she was wearing a grey tracksuit that dropped some hints about an attractive figure.

Young Chris isn’t here any more, though. No. Old Chris is at the wheel these days. Old Chris wants to know what on earth she thinks she’s doing out and about in January wearing a tracksuit with no coat to keep her warm. Old Chris starts his train of thought with the words bloody hell, isn’t she cold?

Old Chris has a Daily Mail style fit when the young woman sits down. He finds himself thinking well I never and considers folding his arms (but decides not to because he’s a bit arthritic, what with the cold and the damp lately). You see, lately, ripped knees have come back into fashion for those wearing jeans, and the rips have become ever sillier. It’s now fashionable to basically just have a huge hole where your knees can be seen. The young woman on the tube, though, was wearing a tracksuit. A tracksuit where the front of each trouser leg came in two parts, overlapping at the knee, with the result that when she sat down the fabric parted to show off her knees to the world.

She had knee windows.

Well, obviously I wrote a stern letter to the Telegraph at once, and blustered barely-intelligible words at anyone who would listen for the rest of the day about how ridiculous these young people’s clothes are. I mean, it’s just not on. I can’t stand idly by while people go around doing damn fool things like that.

Old Chris can’t be doing with knee windows. Old Chris doesn’t understand young people’s clothes any more. Old Chris isn’t fashionable.

Old Chris has decided to embrace old age. Old Chris is going to start wearing his flat cap more often.

12 comments to Knee windows

  • Elena....

    I for one am extremely glad Young Chris isn’t here anymore.

  • Old Chris wants to know why you can’t listen to some nice music. Old Chris doesn’t understand this modern music you listen to. It all just sounds like boom boom boom boom to Old Chris. Whatever happened to Max Bygraves?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Old Ian was surprised to see Young Chris talking about ladies’ knees on a website he knows fine well is frequently visited by his girlfriend. That is until Old Ian realised it was Old Chris talking and went back to eating his salt and vinegar spirals, which he promptly dropped all over the floor.

    (bugger)

  • Old Chris pretended to be Young Chris at the start of this post, but only for dramatic effect. Not only does Old Chris not ogle ladies other than his beloved girlfriend, Old Chris has memory problems these days and can no longer actually remember women other than his girlfriend either.

  • Elena....

    Old Chris and Old Ian made Middle Aged Elena laugh a fair amount.
    She decided that Old Chris deserves a gold star for his answer, and should award himself suitably with a sticker from the vast array that he has amassed from her.
    Old Ian, Middle Aged Elena also sends her condolences about your spirals. It’s probably best they went on the floor though – I never used to like them, I always wished they were actual pasta.

  • Old Chris likes salt and vinegar spirals, but is sure they used to be better in the olden days.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Old Ian picked up his salt and vinegar spirals and sighed loudly, so that the whole world could hear his grief. Yesterday was not a good day for both him and his knees.

    Old Ian is glad that Old Chris has obtained a gold star and tipped his porkpie hat to Miss Wolfson.

    Old Ian remembers the olden days. They were golden, and olden, and tasted of oats.

  • Kevil

    Old Kevin, wanted to join in this conversation ages ago, but had to wait until his nephew came round to turn the computer on as he can’t remember how to do it any more.

  • Old Ian is doing really well to still be able to bend down and pick things up from the floor.

    Old Chris has to wait for the home help to come round if he drops something. Or he calls Old Kevin’s nephew who is a lovely young man.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Old Ian typed this reply last night but because it was fast approaching his half seven bed time had to shut the personal computer down and spend all of this morning re-typing it.

    Bending down is one of the more prominent abilities Old Ian is proud to display on his CV.

  • Old Chris has heard many alarming rumours about Ian’s bending down activities while Old Chris enjoyed half a pint of mild in the snug at the grimy Old Man Pub he frequents.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Old Ian has heard those too, and it depends which version you were told.

    If Sludgy Old Dirty Skanky Darlene told you then it’s all true.

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