User avatarMy secret tragedy

I haven’t told you about this before, but it’s about time I did. When Kev visited a couple of weeks ago we ended up talking about it and my terrible sadness was impossible to disguise. I can’t live this lie any longer.

A while ago now, I was engaged to be married. We were so happy together, so perfect for each other. I couldn’t imagine anything could come between us. I was her man and she was my bear. (She was a grizzly bear, you see.) But on the day of our wedding, just minutes before the ceremony started, she left me, running away down the street in her bridal dress. I was distraught.

You may find this hard to believe, but thankfully Kev has stepped inĀ and provided the following sketch of that fateful moment, so you don’t have to think very hard to imagine it. In those days, as you can see, I looked a bit like Jeremy Beadle, so all in all this is a chapter of my life I’d rather forget.

Chris's Wedding Day

8 comments to My secret tragedy

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    This is a very sad affair indeed. It’s the ambling, shambling bear feet that really upset me. Clearly she’s barely moving at all and yet you can’t bring her back to your life.

  • If you look at the direction in which her dress is trailing, she was actually moving sideways, and so was making very little progress away from me. Despite that there was nothing I could do to prevent her leaving, which only serves to amplify the tragedy.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    So she was, in a way, strafing away from your loving arms in a sort of diagonal fashion? How unusual. Her grief must have been so immense that she couldn’t walk properly.

  • I think that was it. There was also some hostile gunfire that she was trying to avoid. I was sheltered from the rain of bullets but in order to escape the wedding she had to break cover.

  • So not only were you getting married to a bear out in the open but you were also being attacked by some hostiles with weapons?

  • Yeah. Her family insisted on having a wedding sniper. I forget why now. It was traditional or something. I used to think live gunfire throughout a wedding was so romantic but I think this experience spoiled it for me a bit.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I love a good wedding sniper. It’s makes sense to opt for the sniper over the flowers because everyone expects flowers but they wouldn’t expect someone hiding in a church tower 100 metres away taking shots at you with paintgun pellets.

    I prefer the less deadly option. It sounds as if your wife-to-be had a few issues that couldn’t be resolved by marrying you. Nevertheless, I’m still gutted for you mate.

  • Thanks mate. #matesquared

Leave a Reply

  

  

  

Optionally add an image (JPG/JPEG only)