User avatarNew Addition

It was on a warm summer’s afternoon some time ago that I chanced upon the marvel that is Flat Kitty in a charity shop down main street. I knew instantly that I wanted this cat and nothing was going to stop me from getting her. Since then, well, we’ve all heard the stories before: the rising star, the claim to fame, the eastern European sitcom (previously available on the triple disc NiSH box set, currently deleted) and the multitude of fans in every corner of the globe.

There has always been one problem though; she was the last of her kind. No matter where I looked another of her ilk could not be found. For years she has wanted but only for the soft, warm touch of a friend or a partner to watch the sun set over the River Tyne, and it seemed that this was about a likely as a NiSH reunion (as the three members are still going through legal wranglings).

Fear not no more for last weekend Madge was scouring the decks of the Tynemouth market only to find this shining beacon of hope:

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Tiger Kitty, for this be his name, may be from a different time and a different place but his unquestionable thirst for wuv could not be satisfied until he met Flat Kitty.

Early reports suggest a big, celebrity wedding could be on the cards as early as Spring 2016.

8 comments to New Addition

  • This is not just exciting. It’s beyond exciting. I think the only word that can adequately describe this incredible event is “mega”.

    Will this be the first gay kitty wedding?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    We’re hoping so, but it has recently been discovered that Tiger Kitty is actually a boy. There’ll be no Elton John shenanigans going on around here.

    It does mean they’ll get less for the celebrity wedding photos. No second honeymoon for them.

  • My main concern is just that they’re happy together. I feel like Flat Kitty has finally found someone after so many lonely years.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Imagine how his sitcom would have been if he was a happy go lucky moggy in love. Would it have been the critical smash it was? I don’t think so.

  • No, I doubt it. Herzegovinian TV viewers are notorious for disliking anything happy. Misery is the order of the day for them. The programme would never have been commissioned if Flat Kitty had so much as cracked a smile.

  • It’s a good job his deadpan delivery and moaning miserable miscreant was so distinctly unloveable yet loveable at the same time.

  • It is. It’s good too that Herzegovinian cat noises are so readily understood by people of other languages.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    It’s a universal language that almost anyone can understand. It took me a couple of attempts but eventually I got there. Once I started holding in my ajax I found it all fell into place.

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