User avatarNewsboost – Bonkers Book Burning Bonanza

Firefighters were called in to deal with a violent blaze in the North East of England this evening.

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We have received a report that the Loinsford Memorial Publishing House, which opened only within the last couple of months, is on fire yet again after three previous blazes were started in November and December 2015. The raging inferno is currently being contained thanks to the efforts of the local fire brigade.

The culprits and how the fire started are still unknown at this present time and the owner of the building is yet to comment. The Loinsford Memorial Publishing House was responsible for the current bestseller ‘Running Away: The Me Within Me (Not You)’ by bewildering chowder head muffin brain Ian “Running out of Leg Jazz” McIver.

Three hundred thousand copies of that particular book were said to have been lost in the flames.

11 comments to Newsboost – Bonkers Book Burning Bonanza

  • Meh. Such a non-news story. It’s like the fluffy happy story at the end of the news where they find a kitten who can windsurf.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Don’t be ridiculous. Everyone knows that kittens are more prone to abseiling and hang gliding.

  • I agree with Kev. This isn’t news. It certainly won’t be investigated. I’m pretty sure the fire was actually started by the police in order to protect the public from exposure to dangerously low-grade literature.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Look at the devastation though! You could see the blaze for literally MILES AROUND. It’ll mean several months until my next book can be released:

    Sangr-Ian: Drinking After Dark – The Ian McIver Story

  • I’ll have a can of petrol and a box of matches ready for when it’s finished.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    So so harsh. You know most of it anyway, at least the parts that I haven’t made up, and you still don’t know the full story concerning Eamonn Holmes…

  • You’re wildly overestimating my appetite for hearing more about your “story”. It was bad enough living through it, I don’t want to go back and read it all.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    What about if I just send you a copy of the audio tape then?

  • Kevil

    Presumably your ‘story’ would also include a significant chapter on how nobody wants to read your story, and that you need to realize that you are in fact just typing out some quite expensive fuel for an inevitable fire.

  • I’d like to recommend that the cover of Ian’s next book should be made of firelighters, to make his publisher’s job easier.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    That would be a very meta chapter but yes Kevin that does sound good. Perhaps when the deluxe hardback edition arrives a month or so after the paperback I will include it as a special treat for my readers.

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