User avatarPrepared

How will you defend yourself in an emergency? It’s all well and good saying you can do hand-to-hand combat, or that you know how to hot-wire a car to make a getaway, but when hordes of neer-do-wells are charging towards your location, can you make yourself safe?

Preparation is the most important thing. Preparation will be the difference between survival and defeat.

This week, I took the opportunity to practice building makeshift barricades and defensive structures.

Kitchen roll

Here you can see a defensive wall that has been built from packs of kitchen roll. It allows you to hide from potential attackers and will repel missile barrages (providing missiles are relatively light and not thrown very hard).

By preparing myself in this way, I know that I can defend myself from any lethal attack in which the attacker is armed only with paper aeroplanes as long as I have about 50 packs of kitchen roll immediately to hand and a few minutes with which to build a wall out of them.

I am prepared and I will survive. Will you?

25 comments to Prepared

  • Elena....

    1. I can’t believe you get paid to do this.

    2. Kitchen roll burns very well. You are not prepared and you will most likely not survive.

  • Kevil

    Just think of it as natural selection Elena.

  • 1. I can’t believe you’re posting comments on the Beans while on holiday in Brazil.

    2. I was very clear about this being a defence against paper aeroplane attacks. Fire was not mentioned. I think you’re being very silly about this serious subject.

  • Elena....

    1. Brazil wouldn’t be the same without the Beans. Plus I didn’t want you all to feel my absence too much!

    2. You didn’t say the paper airplanes weren’t on fire.

  • 2. The paper aeroplanes are not on fire.

  • Elena....

    What is the difference between airplane and aeroplane?

  • An aeroplane is the British English spelling for a word describing a large flying machine.

    Airplane is a 1980 movie starring Leslie Nielsen.

  • Elena....

    Thanks for clarifying that.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    If it helps, Airplane is much better than the sequel #imhelping

  • Elena....

    Agreed. #yourehelping
    #willyoustillbehelpingifChris’airplanesareonfire?

  • Airplane IS better than the sequel. I’m not sure if it’s better than Top Gun though.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Whatever part of Chris’ life is on fire I will put out as and when required. Even an airplane.

    Top Gun’s quality shines through even the most homoerotic of scenes.

  • Not Top Gun. Naked Gun.

    Who’d have thought there could be two films that both have “gun” in the title? No wonder I was confused.

  • Elena....

    Will you sing “Relight my Fire” as you put out his fires?

    Naked Gun is excellent. Christopher can we watch it again at some point?

  • Yes. Yes we can. I might even buy the box set with all three in. The second one is great too and the third one is OK but goes off the boil a bit.

  • Elena....

    Buy it. Let’s have a Naked Gun weekend!

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I am more than happy to relight your fire whilst dealing with Chris’. I feel as though we’re drifting back into “moderation” territory again.

    You should watch Airplane, then Police Squad and then the Naked Gun trilogy. Then you can see how many jokes they “borrowed” from Police Squad and reused for Naked Gun.

  • Police Squad is amazingly good. I am going to buy all the Naked Guns and the Airplane on DVD. But not Airplane 2. Nobody needs that.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Ed: How did you know, Frank?
    Drebin: Just a little hunch back at the office.
    Ed: I thought so, and it just so happens I’ve brought that little hunchback with me. Charlie?

    (enter hunchback)

    Genius.

  • Kevil

    You shouldn’t watch any of those films as they are all terrible. The opinions of the two people who enjoy Snuff Box should not be taken seriously.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Goes to show what you know, Hill. Police Squad was a TV series from the 1970s.

    Ha.

  • What’s that, Kev? Is that your view on Naked Gun and Airplane? I can’t hear it because it’s drowned out by the TIDE OF POPULAR OPINION.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    It’ll be another three weeks or so before he responds so feel free to reel off a couple more zingers in the meantime.

  • I think that’s my favourite comment ever.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Better than the time we mocked the effort he puts into posts?

    To be fair, he is expecting a tiny mountain soon so we shouldn’t be too harsh.

    But then again it’s us, and we’re always harsh, so nuts to him.

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