User avatarReviews of Mundane Objects: Toothpaste

Hi there, welcome to a new series where we review the mundane everyday objects that everyone has and pays no attention to. This time around its the turn of Toothpaste.

Toothpastes

Toothpastes, eh? There’s loads of them and really, lets be honest, they’re all the same stuff aren’t they? Sure some of them are stripey and some are blue, if you’re lucky you might even find a green  one, but all of them share the same massive flaw:

They all taste of mint. 

Shocking isn’t it? I bet you never even realised.

If you are like me, and therefore like all reasonably minded people, you will have had enough of brushing your teeth with this disgusting, overly strong minty goop every morning and night. You’ll hate the way it makes you gip every time you want to remove the scuzz from you teeth, and you’ll be right-royally fed up of the foul taste lingering in your mouth when all you want to do is get to sleep.

If you are like me, help is here, and it apparently comes from a toothpaste that’s been around since man first went to live in caves and hit things with sticks for a living. It s a toothpaste called Euthymol.

Euthymol

 

I discovered this bizzare toothpaste in ASDA Living at Crown Point of all places, and its wonderful. Let me tell you what I have found so far:

  1. It doesn’t taste of mint. It does however taste of anti-septic, a bit like TCP. Still better though right?
  2. Its pink!
  3. It doesn’t appear to have been advertised since the 1940’s
  4. The packaging hasn’t changed since the 40’s either.
  5. It appears to have some sort of cult following, from old geezers who’ve used it for “50 years man and boy”, and also the anti-fluoride brigade.
  6. It doesn’t have fluoride in it. Based on the loonies in forums on the net, fluoride is either great for your teeth or giving you organ failure. Or both. Or neither. Clear?

So there you have it… You too can now be free of the tyranny of minty toothpaste.

Be free my pretties, be free.

 

22 comments to Reviews of Mundane Objects: Toothpaste

  • Elena

    Is this a post from the real Kevin?

  • Am I to expect abuse from people I’ve never met about my infrequency now as well?

    Also, yes. Hello.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Classic Elena.

    Also I’ve never had a problem with toothpaste tasting of mint, and if I did I’d get children’s toothpaste which tastes of strawberries or kittens or whatever it is that it tastes of instead.

  • All kinds of toothpaste taste like mint because it’s a nice taste. Why would you want to brush your teeth with medical-flavoured conspiracy theorist toothpaste?

  • Mint is wrong. You’re all wrong. Conspiracy theorists have hijacked this fine toothpaste for their own ends, like the moon landing or purple crayons.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I’m surprised you’ve been able to step back into a bathroom after #tapsaga

  • I heard that #tapsaga was a conspiracy and Kev’s taps were actually sabotaged by the US government in an attempt to destabilise his plumbing.

  • That is a distinct possibility. #tapsaga may begin once more soon, we finally have a replacement sink to be fitted. I won’t lie, I’m a bit scared of even starting to fit it.

  • Are we due a new hashtag? It might be time for #sinksaga.

  • Emlou

    I tend to peruse the Beans but this instalment actually warranted a post.

    You’re statement is wrong your toothpaste is not special. Myself and a whole load of other young people like me know that there is a whole host of other non minty toothpastes to the side of those pictured above, my ultimate favourite being the Punch and Judy strawberry one.
    However if you enjoy a toothpaste aimed at the more adult market Arm and Hammer do an original baking soda toothpaste that reminds me of fizzy milk of magnesia… But whatever floats your boat.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Kevin would prefer a toothpaste that tastes minging so baking soda sounds ideal until someone makes a wallpaper paste flavour

  • Kevil

    Hi Emlou, I don’t think I ever said it was special, so your statement is in fact more wrong than mine.

    I am aware of the childish strawberry toothpastes, and yes I’ve tried them, but they taste worse than the mint ones.

    Arm and hammer is about as refreshing as brushing your teeth with chalk, so I’ll leave that one on the shelf to the side as well ta.

  • I think we all know that Kev’s ideal toothpaste would taste of sausages.

  • Kevil

    YES. DEPLOY!

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I think there’s a bacon one available somewhere, or at least that’s what the grapevine informs me… would that do?

  • I think that would probably be good for emergency situations.

    Meanwhile I’m going to get the boys in the lab to start work on PBP’s newest product, Toothpork (TM).

  • Even though it’s fairly early days I think that I would easily buy this product and/or endorse it. In fact I may even start on the marketing campaign, with your express permission of course.

  • I am happy to endorse your endorsement of this product. Proceed.

  • Kevil

    YES! I knew only good could come of this.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    SOCIAL COMMENTARY!

  • Sweaty people should be fined.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Phew. It’s been so long I thought it might not work anymore.

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