User avatarSlut-Dropping in the USA

I am the master of the slut drop.

This is not one of those X Factor “I can sing and I’m going to show the world just how good I am only to fail miserably as it turns out I’m not very good at singing in the slightest and I’ve just shown sixty million people how stupid I am” moments. This is one of those “I am so good” moments.

For those who are not in the know, a slut drop, as defined by the urban dictionary, is, “a move in “dirty dancing” involving standing with legs bending the knees, squatting until the buttocks almost reach the floor and standing back up with a body roll.” I have unwittingly been doing this most of my modern life and it wasn’t until recently that I learned that it was an actual thing with an actual name. It’s a little like Stop, Drop and Roll but with less roll.

Having conquered the world of fixing washing machines (erm…), it was only a matter of time before I moved on to the next thing. It had occurred to me that the list of things I am excellent at is so vast I wasn’t sure how I was going to narrow it down. Whatever I needed to do to work it out, it was certainly going to be an all-nighter. And just so you know, it’s very difficult being this accomplished because it opens you up to an awful lot of criticism and jealousy.

So, what does one do when one possesses talents such as these? Sit on them and hope to get famous anyway? Hide in a cupboard? No. I have to take this out on the road and head direct to the heart of the action. The World Slut Drop Championships are held in Kansas City, Missouri each year. Without a shadow of a doubt I am convinced that I can win it. So, with the financial help of the beans massive, I will be flying out in the next couple of weeks to face the creme de la creme of the slut-dropping community.

Can I beat Sophie ‘Um Chuka Chuka’ Candice? Will I be able to defeat the two times winner Bish Bush Cacklewonker? Will I have the strength to take on the Qwindle Twins?

With your money in my pocket, I’m sure I will.

11 comments to Slut-Dropping in the USA

  • You’re not getting a penny off me for that filth. Take your slutty ass and put it back in the cupboard where it belongs.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Don’t you want to see me succeed? Don’t you wanna see me thrive? You don’t have to watch me do it, just give me the money.

  • If there’s any of my money in your pocket I’d like it back immediately along with an explanation of how it got there and an unreserved apology.

  • I wouldn’t have to see it, It’s enough to know that you’d be out there doing it.

    Can’t you take up a nicer hobby, like knitting?

  • Yes, knitting is lovely. Or if you really have to bob up and down like that, morris dancing.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I’m going to take up knitting so I can make nice coordinate jumpers for Chris’ new toilet showroom. Slut dropping must come first though.

  • In which case you’ll have to fund it yourself. I’m out.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    But it’s a chance to spread the word of the beans to the far flung parts of the world as yet untouched by our fair hands.

  • I don’t want my fair hands anywhere near your rapidly descending ass.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I think that’s what I’ll call my final performance; Rapidly Descending Ass. Thanks mate #matesquared

  • It’s what I’m here for. #matesquared

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