User avatarSport

Sport! We all know what sport is, but until recently I had no interest in it.

“Pah!,” I would say, “away with your sport”. Sometimes I would tut and shake my head. Sport was a mystery to me, something that affected others deeply and yet passed me by.

Well, no more. I’ve been bitten by the sport bug. I am a sport man now.

What changed everything was a chance meeting with three members of the England cricket team, who not only convinced me of the joys of sport, but recruited me as their new mascot. So, this summer, look out for me as I attend all the cricket games in England, waving at the fans and leading the cricket-ballers onto the pitch.

Cricket men

If you would like to come and see me in action, here are all the England cricket games this summer:

Tuesday 5 July Edgbaston Cricket Arena England v Edgbaston First 11
Friday 15 July Sunderland Cricket Ground of Light England v Sri Lanka Cricket Team
Sunday 31 July Headingley Golf Club England v Leeds Rhinos
Saturday 6 August Wembley England v France
Wednesday 24 August A field near Trent Bridge England v just Ian Botham on his own
Tuesday 13 December The North Pole England v Santa Claus (Christmas Special)

17 comments to Sport

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    There’s something not quite right about that photo but I can’t… Put my finger on it…

  • I know what you mean. It’s so exciting to see me alongside those sporting heroes that your brain can’t quite process it, you assume it must be photoshopped or something. But it’s not, it’s a real photo!

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    … Have you always had an egg for a head?

  • Yes. You’d be surprised how few people notice the white outline round my face.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Is it because you’re always conveniently positioned in front of a white background?

  • Yes, I’m very careful about that. Now you can see why. It’s not easy on the cricket sport field.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    So how do you get round it on the field then? I expect most of them are green. There’s not much white in nature.

  • I wear a large ruff, like an Elizabethan gentleman, to give my head a white background.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    You must really stand out. A regal cricketer. Cricketeer? Crickets person? What’s the correct term?

  • Cricketeer is the correct term. But use “cricketsman” or “cricketswoman” when conversing with royalty.

  • Do any of the other players wear strange items of clothing too so you don’t look as unusual?

  • No, not really. But all things considered, when I go out onto the sportsfield with my white outline around my face, my shorts and t-shirt and my Elizabethan ruff, I don’t think I stand out unless you look very closely. And nobody wants to look very closely at me.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I once “watched” a full game of cricket but when I say “watched” I mean I had my back turned the entire time.

    You might have been playing actually. It was that time on that field.

  • No, you don’t understand. I don’t play cricket, I’m the mascot. It’s arguably the most important job in the cricket troupe.

  • So you’re not a very small person who plays cricket? You’re some sort of charlatan who parades around PRETENDING to play cricket?!

  • No. NO. I am a very small person who LIFTS THE SPIRITS OF ALL PRESENT while cricket is played.

    You have made me reasonably cross.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Are you perturbed yet? Feeling the strain? I almost, for a very small miniscule period of time, thought you were an actual sports person.

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