User avatarWe Buy Any Sheep DOT com

Do you have a lot of sheep? Are you tired of having a lot of sheep? Wouldn’t you much rather get rid of your sheep and enjoy having a sheep-free lifestyle?

You need

We will buy your sheep in any condition, any age, any colour, creed or denomination. We will take however many sheep off your hands and give you the best possible price on the market right now.

We want your sheep and we will do anything to get your sheep. Anything at all. We have done awful things to get other people’s sheep and we will do the same to you, unless you give us your sheep.

Bring on the sheep. We will glady take your sheep when you’re sleeping. We would much rather give you a great deal than sneaking into your premises at night and bundling them into our trusted van.

Give us your damn sheep right now and nobody gets hurt.

14 comments to We Buy Any Sheep DOT com

  • I… I haven’t got any sheep.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Then this isn’t the website for you. Get some sheep then contact us and we can do you a deal.

  • If I continue not having any sheep will I be safe from your terrible threats?

  • Kevil

    I was considering getting some sheep, but now I’m too scared.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Guys, guys, if you have sheep and you want to keep them then that’s your business. But if you change your minds and want rid then you KNOW who would be interested. ME! ME with my BIG CAPITAL LETTERS!

  • My understanding from this advert is that, if I have sheep, then I can either turn them over to We Buy Any Sheep DOT com, or they will be removed from me by force. My business apparently doesn’t get a say in it.

    That’s why I’m staying out of the sheep business and instead will be investing to expand my acoustic baffle consultancy firm.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    My further understanding of the advert is that anything that has a sheep on will also be annexed from your premises. You would be best to stay away from all sheep-related stationary and inspirational posters, for there are many.

  • Supposing – theoretically, just out of idle interest, for no particular reason – supposing someone had a tattoo of a sheep on, I don’t know, their inner thigh. Would We Buy Any Sheep DOT com know about it? Would they be coming after it?

  • What about sheep related products, such as a nice woolly jumper? Are they safe?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Tattoo – this would be cut off, much in the same way Chris is planning to remove my face for his own nefarious schemes.

    Jumpers – if you were caught wearing one you would be pummelled and the jumper stolen, and this would be re-attached to a cold sheep in the hope of increasing the market value.

  • I for one consider this company one of the gravest threats to peace and stability of the current world order.

  • Yeah, I agree. Can you have a word Ian, and just ask them to piss off?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I can ask. Leave it to me, I’ve got this.

  • I, and my theoretical inner thigh, thank you.

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