User avatarWords I Hate, part 3

It’s becoming traditional (come on, we’ve been up and running for three months, so anything that’s been running this long definitely counts as a tradition) for me to wheel out another canister of literary vitriol around the start of the month. And seeing as April is looming up ahead of us I’d better get cracking with… another Word I Hate.

This one is short, because the case can be made very quickly and nobody can argue against it.

Fayre

This word doesn’t even need to exist. We have all the words with this sound and this meaning already: we have fair, meaning an outdoor event or celebration, and we have fare, meaning food and drink and perhaps generous hospitality. Fayre is sometimes used in place of both these perfectly good word by idiots who think it lends their temporary Christmas market or their roast beef serving pub some kind of charming air of tradition and jollity. But it doesn’t do that, any more than calling your newsagent Ye Olde Shoppe gives it medieval heritage. It just makes you an idiot who has called your venture a stupid name for misguided reasons. So stop it. You cretin.

11 comments to Words I Hate, part 3

  • It’s certainly not sibilant, and because of that I already hate it. I hope it wakes up one more to find its guts lying on the pillow next to it and a chubby raccoon farting in its face.

  • Certainly it’s seldom sibilant and so sensible society shuns it, similar to the sordid sentiments you expressed.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    That’s a satisfactory and sound symposium, and your scrutiny sings such sensational sibilance I have to sit in silence and surmise.

  • Ssssssssssausages.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    One of these days I’m gonna find a fayre and I’m gonna rip the ‘y’ right out of it.

  • Poke it right off with a stick. That’s the way. Fayre’s fayre.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    It could be my summer activity. Once I’m driving, me and the boy can visit all the picturesque hamlets in the area and those who are displaying any misuse of the word will be “taken down”.

  • You could run them over with your big powerful manwheels. That’ll show the mackers.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Once I get the chance I will happily refer to them as ‘big powerful manwheels’ at every available opportunity.

    That could also be a possible working title for the fifth Papples album.

  • It’s going straight on the list. If not for the fifth album I can’t help thinking it would be a good fit for the Best Of compilation, which surely can’t be far away now.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I was pondering the same matter not so long ago. All Saints released a greatest hits album after only two studio albums and we’re up there with the best, like them, so we have got plenty of material for a Best Of.

    We can always toss off a free remix CD if necessary. It will mean calling in a few favours with the Futility crew though.

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