Posts filed under 'Beaver'

Lovely Little Chaffinch

November 7th, 2011

Can You Believe That?

Of course you can!

Today I have been learning about marmots thanks to an uplifting and insightful piece about them in a book I was reading. They have proved to be quite the page-turning, excellent-digging mammal. Let’s hear some facts about the little geezers:

  • Marmots are called marmots but they are also known as groundhogs and wood chucks, which is why when you type their name into google image a bunch of photos of groundhogs appear. Don’t let this confuse you.
  • Their scientific name is Marmota Monax, which would be a good name for a femme fetale in a film noir or a super villain in a Spiderman comic. Take note Marvel!
  • Unfortunately they do not like humans or owls which will severely affect any future relationship I may have with a marmot. Learning this made me sad for several minutes.
  • Their primary food is stuff you would find outside such as grass, dry grass and lightly wetted grass although tell this to the marmot I saw hiding behind a tree in the park pushing a Big Mac into his mouth.
  • Marmots are far more interesting and industrious than most of its animal relatives, in fact I’d even go so far as to say they’re probably more industrious than my relatives. They will store food up for the winter several months before winter. Recent developments in Apple technology have also been attributed to marmots.

There. Now if anyone asks you if you know anything about marmots you can pretend you do. Bless the internet and all its little tiny toes.

4 comments January 18th, 2011

How I Miss The Knitted Beaver

4 comments December 12th, 2010

The Official Line Of Power

Having produced, written, directed and undertaken a recent survey I am pleased to show you the conclusive results. Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the official line of power which proves out of all the powers that Nutrient Power is the strongest:

  #   A  *                         @    B                                      C

A – Dragonforce Power                             # – People Power
B – Charm Power                                        * – Cornpop Power
C – Nutrient Power                                    @ – Wispa Power (unofficial)

(Kindly note that despite several months of testing we are still unsure as to where Sportsman Power belongs).

14 comments June 2nd, 2010

2010: The Year Of The Cash-In Mascot

So it’s almost over yes, I admit that, but what I won’t admit is defeat when we all stand on the jaws of success. The jaws of triumph. The jaws of not defeat. We have only two more days left of 2009 which has been the worst 2009 I have ever come across. If I ever do come across another 2009 I will be sure to boot it up the backside before it has a chance to turn around and gaze into my wonderful face.

So… what should 2010 start with? Unfortunately it would appear as though the mascot has re-surfaced as the way of grabbing attention from the general public. Compare the Market managed it with a meerkat in a dressing gown. Churchill continues to have a nodding dog that sounds like Vic Reeves. Awful, awful advert for Go Compare has an awful, awful opera singer and a terrible pun at the end. So what do we do? We jump on the bandwagon of course!

We will have to sit down and think about this for a while. Luckily I did a lot of that over the Christmas period so the majority of it is almost done. What I was thinking when it comes to a mascot for da Beans it would have to be something that you would instantly link us to. So I’ve narrowed it down to two possibles:

1) A Badger with a limp
2) The Knitted Beaver

I think we would have more chance with the beaver given the rich and wondrous history he has given to us all. We could have a stupid tagline like, “Beev-er? Done that? Then try Pouring Beans Dot Com!” What does the focus group think?

December 29th, 2009

Behold! The Knitted Beaver!

I recently came across this merry little song between some old radishes and copies of the Sunday Times. Apprently it was written in 1678 and must be accompanied by a Lyre or a Lute or another instrument that starts with ‘L’.

The Ballad Of The Knitted Beaver

Knitted beaver, knitted beaver
Left a legacy of some discrepancies
Knitted beaver, knitted beaver
Danced a merry jig ‘twixt the bow and brig
Knitted beaver, knitted beaver
Took a candy cane and fled the Spanish Main
Knitted beaver, knitted beaver
Swam to sunny shores, full of leggy whores

And then and then
He strode around with his conkers down
Showing off in front of local sailors
Having witty talks with tailors

Knitted beaver, knitted beaver
Chased accordingly and metaphorically
Knitted beaver, knitted beaver
Left the leggy whores with their stores
Knitted beaver, knitted beaver
Found a tiny land with no marching band
Knitted beaver, knitted beaver
Drank his life away, wasted every day

Drank his life away, couldn’t hold a tray
Couldn’t hold a tray
Couldn’t hold a tray

4 comments November 26th, 2009

Quaff is here

Quaff. I am Quaff. Quaff is the future, everything else is the past.

Quaff has taken the medium of everything and turned it on its head, leaving a small puddle. It is from this puddle that the original ideas that Quaff has developed come from. Quaff will one day dominate the world and everyone, from the smallest glint in their parents’ eyes to the tallest man with a chunky face, will know the name Quaff.

Leave a note for your brain to take note at the lessons you will learn from Quaff.


19 comments April 7th, 2009



This is John.
He is a knitted beaver.

He likes long walks and flogging the poor which he dos with much vigour whenever he can.
Sometimes you’ll see him, sometimes you wont. he’s like that. He’s also strangly brown.


4 comments June 15th, 2006

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