Posts filed under 'Locker Check baby!'

Office 3 Post-Mortem

Hello. I am at work on a nightshift without an awful lot to do, so I’ve spent about an hour compiling the following useful facts about Locker 29, better known as Office 3.

Claimed: 3rd July 2006

Lost: early March 2007

Number: 29

Location: The Baltic, Gateshead

History: Various items were placed in the locker on the following occasions.

  • 03/07/06 Baltic gallery leaflets.
  • 04/07/06 One copy of the book Erudite Musings on the Human Condition (photocopy).
  • 07/07/06 7″ vinyl of ‘some bollocks band nobody cares about’.
  • 16/07/06 Two bags.
  • 24/07/06 Pair of headphones, sticker promoting new Pipettes album, pen with lion’s head on it.
  • 09/08/06 Two paperclips, one red and one yellow.
  • 18/08/06 Blue paperclip, an old Christmas card from Sarah, two elastic bands ‘laid erotically across the Baltic leaflets’.
  • 07/09/06 Plastic Tesco bag, a slip from ‘a recorded delivery earlier in the week’ and a bus ticket from Tuesday 5th September 2006.
  • 14/11/06 Chocolate biscuit in foil wrapper.

Intelligence gathered from postings to this website suggest that the tat posted to Newcastle via top secret Jiffy Bag in September 2006 was never placed in the locker and is probably still safe, including some paper snowflakes, pictures of BBC Look North presenters and a book of Garforth soil samples.


14 comments March 30th, 2007

Office 3 – it’s gone!

The Third Office is no more. It is my duty to inform you that despite my continued attempts to keep and uphold Office 3 it has been taken back by the authorities at the Baltic. Inside, what greeted me instead of the usual cack, was a note stating that I should contact the main desk to get my things back and hand the key over. I think it’s another attempt to corner me and haul my a*s into the back so they can lecture me on the real reasons for using the lockers and not for the reason we were using it for.

Just as Operation Whimsical Pixie was a failure (it was that one, wasn’t it Marshall?) so is Office 3. We now need to set up and locate a possible Office 4. It needn’t be here in Newcastle and seeing as Marshall has set up shop down in London perhaps it should travel further south. Please send the condolence cards and letters to the usual address.

13 comments March 9th, 2007

Virtual Locker Check – Number 29

Date: 2nd December
Time: 8.44am
Location: Within my mind

Today I had a virtual visit to the LOCKER which I did with imaginations inside my mind. It was really nice. I opened the door and it was excellent.


7 comments December 2nd, 2006

Locker Check – Number 29

Date: 14th November 2006
Time: 12:30
Location: The Baltic, Gateshead (give or take)

Given the circumstances of the last “visit” and the sting operation that was put in place I decided to bring in more muscle in case things for sticky. Enter Weddle! We pretended to look at some of the exhibits and then when the coast was clear I made a dash for the locker, chucked in a chocolate biscuit in a foil wrapper (as I wasn’t in possession fo anything else) and walked out as though nothing was wrong. This time there were no security thugs or bints on chairs. It was plain sailing baby! Just a shame I didn’t have any of Mackshall’s tat to put in but don’t worry Christa will find her place there I assure you.

6 comments November 14th, 2006

Locker News

I have taken a number of glossy presenter photos from work which I think should go in the locker. It would be like a tiny model of a portrait gallery. The pictures include Look North’s very own Harry Gration and Christa Ackroyd.

I will keep you updated.

6 comments September 13th, 2006

Locker Check – Number 29

Date: 7th September 2006
Time: 13:40
Location: The Baltic, Gateshead (give or take)

Locker check successful. Still locked with possessions. Didn’t actually know was going until realised was stood outside. Deposited a plastic Tesco bag, a slip from a recorded delivery sent earlier on this week and a bus ticket from Tuesday 5th September 2006. No problems with entering and leaving although shady looking man in fluroescent jacket stood outside. Ate a cheese and onion pasty then read through the job section in the paper. Thought about sandwiches.

Random thought: Grapes are the unilateral fruit of the sea. Discuss!

13 comments September 7th, 2006

Locker Check – Number 29

Date: 18th August 2006
Time: 13:15
Location: The Baltic, Gateshead (give or take)

Locker check successful. Still locked with possessions. Having previously been sent a pencil, a blue paperclip and an old Christmas card from Noony obsessionist Sarah Jolly it was unfortunate that the pencil was left at home and therefore will have to wait until the next visit. I placed the paperclip inbetween the red and the yellow for some witty banter with the Christmas card towards the back. I also left two elastic bands in an erotic position across the top of the two Baltic leaflets from a previous expedition. Left with no complications. The weather was shit and made my hair go crazy wild. Thought a lot about apples.

Random thought: The offer is still open for that game. Also, I think I need a pet. Lemons are good but what about the citric melancholia? Any recommendations?

8 comments August 18th, 2006

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