Archive for June, 2007

The Saint King’s Army – Task Three

FINALLY! The third part of my master plan can be put into practise. The pitter patter of pitiful pennies are dangling in my back account and therefore we can proceed. As Kevin finishes off dealing with Daisy the Dictaphone and I am continually writing to Miss Emily Brown the third task is passed onto Chris.

It will eventually involve all three of us but Chris, my dear boy, you are to start it off. I shall be sending you a camera in the post very soon. Contained in that little plastic box of black is about twenty-six possible pictures. I think. Your job is to take nine pictures. They can be nine pictures of anything you like. It could be things at work, you with Friya, random objects in your flat, it doesn’t matter. When you have taken said pictures the camera will be passed to Kevin, and then myself who will pay for them to be developed. Copies will be sent on so we can all see what each other has been crazy enough to take their time to take photos of.

Sound good? Well if it doesn’t you cant go listen to Bloc Party. Shiny shiny, shiny boots of leather…

23 comments June 26th, 2007

An Evening with Chris

Hello. Tonight (that’s Sunday night) I’m working a nightshift. But it’s not any ordinary nightshift, oh no. I’m doing some extra time so that I can get a Saturday off at short notice in a couple of weeks. So tonight I started work at 9.30pm and I will be finishing at 10am on Monday morning.

I’m not really looking forward to this, so I will be charting my escapades hour by hour on this very website, so that you can all revel in the dullness of my evening.

Continue Reading 7 comments June 24th, 2007

Yam Yam


20 comments June 21st, 2007

Bring back Clifford

I think you should do another Clifford because I’ve just been re-giggling at it.
I think with the right publicity you could corner the market on 90 second cartoons.
I think Clifford needs some ampage and your the guys to do it.
I think the cartoon should have some loins in it.

7 comments June 20th, 2007

Week of the Week III

It’s been weeks since the last week of the week so definitely time for another week of the week this week.

This week’s week of the week is 4-10 March 1973.

Sunday 4 March 1973 – the 15th Grammy Awards are held.
Monday 5 March 1973 – two Spanish aeroplanes collide over France during a French air traffic control strike. 47 Britons died, along with some other foreigners.
Tuesday 6 March 1973 – Episode 9 of the first series of “Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads” is transmitted for the first time.
Wednesday 7 March 1973 – Ray Parlour is born. He grows up to become a footballer or something.
Thursday 8 March 1973 – a referendum is held in Northern Ireland to ask whether it should remain part of the UK. The vote is boycotted by Catholics and the result is more than 98% in favour of staying in the Union.
Friday 9 March 1973 – Norway passes Act no. 14 relating to the Prevention of the Harmful Effects of Tobacco.
Saturday 10 March 1973 – the British governor of Bermuda is assassinated along with his deputy.

Another amazing week! I certainly remember what I was doing when all this happened. Do you?

5 comments June 18th, 2007

The Wonderful World of Mr Smith

I went back up to Leeds and visited Kev and we made a very silly thing.

It’s Mr Smith!

Mr Smith

Lookity lookity lookity look!

6 comments June 15th, 2007

Silly Bint of the Month – Kirsten Dunst

Yes I’m afraid it looks as though it is to be my beloved Kirsten Dunst. Many a time have I admired her for looking pretty in ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ and feisty in both of them Spiderman films but now it’s no more. The magic is well and truly gone. She has made the silly, silly mistake of deciding to go out with front arsehole of the shithouse band Razorlight, Johnny Borrell. Not only that she has mentioned to press that she would like to act in a film with him. Hmmm, let me see; his acting abilities stretch as far as taking his top off and acting like a knob. It’s a small CV I admit but there must be something out there that would get him started. Perhaps lorry crash victim number four or crash test dummy number two would suffice?

Good bye my dear.

9 comments June 13th, 2007

Saint King update

How goes the repair of my beloved Daisy? Does she see life again? Can she walk through the meadows and fields like all those times in her beloved childhood?

I need answers. Also, due to a lack of funds, the third mission is delayed I’m afraid. It’s piss poor but I might be able to squeeze something out in the next week or so. Everybody sing the Klaxons!

7 comments June 13th, 2007

Guess who’s back……

Thats right boys and girls… Me!

After my heroic rescue of the might that is PouringBeans, and my return to glory, I would like to fill you in with what went on…

Continue Reading 7 comments June 6th, 2007

Forming a Government

I think everyone would agree that the government is a bit naff. I mean, they’ve been at it for centuries now, and are things really any better than when they started?

So it seems to me that it would be much better if we started our own government and just, you know, got on with it. Therefore I suggest that, with effect from Thursday 7th June 2007, we launch the Pouring Beans Governmental Committee (PBGC) which will start issuing edicts, declarations, statutes and prophecies immediately for the betterment of the United Kingdom.

I see the governmental hierarchy looking like this, from least powerful to most powerful:

  • Parish Councils
  • County Councils and Unitary Authorities
  • Regional Assemblies
  • Individual Ministries
  • The House of Commons
  • The House of Lords
  • HM the Queen (ceremonial head of state)
  • Pouring Beans Governmental Committee

As the PBGC will be above all other elements of the government, I don’t see why we should have to bother asking the rest of them. We should just set it up and get on with it, and they can adjust to it as necessary.

As a starting point, I have been carrying out detailed negotiations with the existing ruling party, and I have arranged for Tony Blair to stand down from office towards the end of this month. I think this will make our job significantly easier. I hope this is OK with the rest of the PBGC.

We need titles for ourselves, and possibly specialised areas. I suggest that Ian is best placed to look after Legalness, the Law and all things related. Kev is best places to be in charge of Technology and Defence (because he’s in IT and the scouts) and I could probably look after Infrastructure – things like transport and housing and stuff. Because we’ll be above ministers, we also need a decent title. I think “god” has a nice ring to it. This would make Ian, for example, God of Law.

Your thoughts please.

10 comments June 5th, 2007

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