Archive for March, 2008

State of the Beans

It seems The Beans is a bit ill. I’m not really sure why but the only option i seem to have to fix the damn thing is to upgrade the version of the software it runs on.

This has one large downside though. The design we currently use for the site is not compatable with the new software version. So we would most likely have to change the design. Shall I do it? Email Me.

16 comments March 31st, 2008

Let’s try something manly

Good evening, I’m Splash Gordon and welcome to the First Annual Duck-Stacking Extravaganza. We’re here in the beautiful city of Keighley with seven competators who are destined for glory. I won’t bother to mention all of their names as the games are about to begin but just for some cheap laughs there’s a man called Hudie Doody and a lady with celotape over her shoes who goes by the name of Royal Tw*t.

Oh and we’ve started, off they go. Each person has picked up their first duck and… they’re finding it very hard to place them on top of the second. The seconds, burp, pardon me, the seconds have actually done a runner. They’re refusing to stay in one place and let these people put another of their species on their head. I think that’s a little hypacritical don’t you think, Jim?


Just what I was thinking. They’re bringing on additional staff to help with the stacking of the ducks however there’s not enough to round and… yes, they’re asking the three people who have come to watch this momentous event to assist. Three minutes have passed and nobody has gotten past one duck. OH WAIT… no, another let down. Speaking of let down did I tell you about my recent surgery, Jim?

“Unfortunately yes.”

Well let’s go over it again to make sure everyone at home knows too. It started with this huge clump of hair just… *end transmission*

7 comments March 19th, 2008

Poetry Corner

Time for a communal poem. It’s dead easy. I will provide the start of this epic poem detailing epic events, and you write another verse for it to continue the story. It’s like Jackanory, but with rhyming and on a website.

Jurgen van Hoolen had pie on his head
He didn’t know why and it made him quite red
He woke up one morning and it was just there
Sticky and crusty and fixed to his hair

From that day to this he travelled the land
He rubbed it with solvent, he rubbed it with sand
Try as he might to shake off the pie
The pie would not budge and he let out a sigh

He went to a doctor, a witch and a priest
Who promised him cure with faith or with yeast
But no-one could fix it, not one of the men
Poor Jurgen gave up. But suddenly, then…

6 comments March 17th, 2008

The Beans Are Back In Town…

Yes ladies and gentlemen, we are back. Once again we have risen like the mighty pheonix from the burning heap of our twice hacked server.

I have restored hastily made backups of databases, trawled directories of php files looking for imposters and .htaccess files, and now, finally, we are up and pouring like the proverbial beans once more.

PS. All fucking dirty scum lowlife bastard fucking dog licking hackers, should be made to run naked through brixton with a sign saying “I hate all of you please shoot at me” with a pineapple up their arse, that’d teach em.

11 comments March 9th, 2008

Come what May (seeing as it’s March)

I think we need to liven up this mo’ fo’ because ‘da beans hasn’t seen much action recently. We need another project to do, either a book or some more photos or something else. We can’t languish here whilst other websites (possibly) gain the ground to find the bigger audience.

Start shaking those loins for answers.

10 comments March 4th, 2008

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