Mr Smudgey Exposes Himself

November 27th, 2007

Hello, my name is Mr Smudgey and I am here to prove to you and everyone else watching that I am the most famous man on the planet at this very point in time. It was close recently as there was a man who balanced bananas on his nose as he read Shakespeare to a bottle-nose dolphin in a telephone box but that was just a rumour. It is time for another reference point so you bask in my celebrity status.

Point Number Two hiding in the background of the sleeve for the Eagles album ‘Hotel California’.


It’s a bit hard to make out in this but I’m climbing the third tree from the left. I was staying in the hotel across the road which was aptly named ‘Hotel Opposite’. In between my early morning sessions of fung shui and that weird sh*t people do on big lawns I thought it would be a good laugh to look for coconuts. It was only when I looked down to see some idiot with a camera that I panicked, let go of the trunk and fell to the ground. The picture, mfwah mfwah, doesn’t reveal the fact that I spent three months in traction because of it.

I denied all knowledge of this particular exposure because, well, the Eagles suck d*ck big time. I am on a quest for status though so I must lay these demons to rest and own up. Hey, I’ve done worse things.

Entry Filed under: Great,Loins,Mr. Smudgey,Think about it


  • 1. Chris  |  November 27th, 2007 at 19:34

    This is truly tragical.

    I appeared on an album cover once. Kelly Jones was off his tits on night nurse after an all-night bender with two night nurses. So I had to step in at short notice and I appear on the front of whichever Stereophonics album has a picture of the band on it, if any.

    (*Can’t be bothered looking at any album covers to make his story more interesting*)

  • 2. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  November 28th, 2007 at 07:59

    Finally! You know, me and Kev have known this ever since the Stereophonics started doing gigs in ’97. All those excuses you’d make, “oh I can’t come round, I’m walking the dog across the country for the next three weeks, he needs the exercise.” They never washed. It was all dry. But there’s no hate here, not in this room.

    You should see the room next door though, brimming with it!

  • 3. Chris  |  November 28th, 2007 at 11:30

    Actually I have a surveillance gnat in the room next door, hiding just under the surface in a plant pot and monitoring those hatred levels. He lets me know if they ever get out of hand.

    Yes – I’ve planted a bug in that room.

  • 4. Kevil  |  November 28th, 2007 at 12:19


    I’m on a train, and i can tell you its positively bubbling with hateful spite in ere… Not for Marshall though, it seems to be aimed at the loud business man trying to organise a meting on his phone. Git.

  • 5. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  November 28th, 2007 at 13:16


    That made me ill.

    If the people on the train were spiteful towards Marshall that must be some strong hatred to come all the way from Leeds. Maybe they don’t like your website. Maybe they hate roads, maybe that’s why they take the train.

    It all adds up.

  • 6. Chris  |  November 28th, 2007 at 16:07


    I suspend all your chocolate button privileges indefinitely.

  • 7. iphone  |  November 28th, 2007 at 17:38

    I am on an iPhone! yay!

  • 8. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  November 29th, 2007 at 09:57

    Nobody likes a show off iphone, go piss in someone else’s pool

    *is upset his chocolate privileges have been taken away*

  • 9. Kevil  |  November 29th, 2007 at 12:41

    I’m not Kev, I’m Chris!

  • 10. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  November 30th, 2007 at 09:28

    I don’t care who the monkey it is I want my chocolate back! Give me it back.

    My precioussssssssss!

    Well it’s not really, I’m going off chocolate a bit if I’m being honest. There’s no point to it. It’s bad for you and it kills you from inside like a tapeworm assassin. I do love Malteasers though. Loins.

  • 11. Kevil  |  November 30th, 2007 at 14:47

    Much in the way cigarillos will give you cancer and make you dead, yes I’m sure chocolate is much worse though.

    *imagines a tapeworm dressed in black with a red headband doing tai-chi*

  • 12. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 5th, 2007 at 09:52

    It IS… isn’t it?

    *tapeworms rule*

  • 13. Chris  |  December 5th, 2007 at 09:58

    My pet tapeworm ran away. He was called Cyril. I don’t think he liked the little mittens I tried to get him to wear. It wasn’t my fault, he just looked so cute in them!

  • 14. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 5th, 2007 at 14:41

    You and animals in clothing, it’s just wrong Marshall.

    I remember the cat, with the frog hat. Have we actually added anything to the Feline Noir (it’s a new genre) story?

  • 15. Chris  |  December 5th, 2007 at 18:28

    No. I was last so it’s somebody else’s turn.

  • 16. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 6th, 2007 at 18:02

    I think Kev should step up given that he DELAYED the scanning of the book of ness and that HE hasn’t put an article on the SITE for a WHILE.

    This is what bullies do you know. Is it working?

  • 17. Kevil  |  December 7th, 2007 at 11:01


  • 18. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 7th, 2007 at 14:31

    Is that “no, it’s not working” or “no, you’re not adding to the feline noir”?

  • 19. Kevil  |  December 7th, 2007 at 15:39


  • 20. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 10th, 2007 at 08:33

    I see.

    Touche then.

    ‘Til we meet again.

  • 21. Chris  |  December 11th, 2007 at 17:43

    Thanks to your use of the word “touche”, your chocolate button privileges will be resumed for a period of one week and extended from there pending good behaviour.

    If you had correctly put the accent on the e in “touché” then they would have been permanently restored with immediate effect. Let that be a lesson to you.

    *is justice embodied*

  • 22. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 12th, 2007 at 08:05

    I don’t LIKE those silly letters with their silly eyebrows sticking up and mocking me. I can’t DO those silly letters. I don’t WANT to do them either.

    *is teenagerism embodied*

  • 23. Chris  |  December 12th, 2007 at 14:41

    I can do them. Look at ME.

    Äççéñtš óñ łéttérs áré fúñ.

  • 24. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 12th, 2007 at 17:08

    You see me, right, as in me, as in not you, I don’t care that you can put spanky eyebrows over letters to look good.

    You see you, right, as in you, as in not me, you’re proud of the fact that you can do that. That’s just wrong. You’re wrong. Now you know.

  • 25. Chris  |  December 12th, 2007 at 23:13

    Spanky eyebrows. Ha! Philistine.

  • 26. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 13th, 2007 at 08:58

    If I want to embrace the philisism in me then allow me to do so you pillow basher


  • 27. Pete Doherty  |  December 13th, 2007 at 10:21

    évén í cán dó éyébróws Mcí�vér

  • 28. Chris  |  December 13th, 2007 at 12:52

    Push off Doherty. Your weird typographical eyebrows are not welcome here. They smell of crack dens and stale piss.

  • 29. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 13th, 2007 at 16:58

    Eugh, silly Doherty thinks he’s one of us because he can put eyebrows on letters. When Marshall does it, right, that’s good because he’s him. But when you do it, right, because you’re you, right, it’s shit.

  • 30. Doody McChickery  |  December 13th, 2007 at 16:58

    Ye shit!

    Ye mam’s shit!

  • 31. Chris  |  December 14th, 2007 at 23:04

    This newcomer McChickery has single-handedly dealt the worst imaginable blow to Pete Doherty by issuing the most hurtful insult ever to pass the lips of man. And he just flings it out in passing, never seen before and likely never to be seen again!

    A true legend of our time.

  • 32. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 17th, 2007 at 07:05

    That’s why even though McChickery has been slaughtered in the past by your scathing comments she doesn’t mind and has come back brighter. Let’s face it, we can forget the ills of society and all come together with our mutual hatred for Doherty.

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