Tasty Hasty Paste – a novel idea

December 23rd, 2007

Mr. Cockall interviews tomorrows geniuses (using song)

Who are you? 

Elementary Westinghouse

What’s the Idea?

You know how it is. Decorating the spare room, putting up that wallpaper takes so long that you’re left starving hungry before you’re even nearly finished. Tasty Hasty Paste solves that problem.

What is it?

It’s a new formulation of wallpaper paste that lets you get the paper up in record time. It’s also edible, so if you remember to take a spoon in there with you along with the other wallpapering paraphernalia, you can just have a couple of mouthfuls of nutritious paste to keep you going. It’s also the only household adhesive that’s suitable for spreading on toast or muffins. (But not bagels – that’s highly dangerous.)

What does it do?

Tasty Hasty Paste is produced from a specially bred variety of Chronographic Beef. The time-altering properties of this type of meat cause time to appear faster to the paste than it does to the rest of the world. It’s an example of relative time dilation causality that is found in many common bovines. Because it’s made of beef it also has a warm aroma of hot Bovril that will fill any room decorated with it. And who could argue with that?

So what are you gonna do about it?

Nothing (!) Mr. Cockall, it’s all in my head >:)

Entry Filed under: Chris,Mr. Cockall's Loveliness


  • 1. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 24th, 2007 at 07:08

    I wish the world had access to more Chronographic Beef 😀 that’s genius. In fact that’s going down in the ‘Top Five Best Sayings I’ve Ever Heard’ list.

  • 2. Chris  |  December 24th, 2007 at 07:58

    Did I mention it’s fully organic too? Even the toxic chemicals in it are organic.

  • 3. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 24th, 2007 at 09:27

    I love the natural taste of toxicity. It makes my nips tingle with delight.

  • 4. Chris  |  December 26th, 2007 at 16:54

    Where is the Hill-shaped one?

  • 5. Kevil  |  December 26th, 2007 at 19:16

    Skippety bee bah!

  • 6. Chris  |  December 26th, 2007 at 22:40

    Ah, there he is!

  • 7. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 27th, 2007 at 08:47

    He never left, he was scatting by himself in the corner.

    Is that how you spent your Christmas, Kevin-Head?

  • 8. Kevil  |  December 27th, 2007 at 21:54

    skibby bibby dip do badda bop, do badda bop!

  • 9. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 28th, 2007 at 08:43

    I’ll take that as a reason for medical attention.

    *Dials nine one one*

  • 10. Chris  |  December 28th, 2007 at 11:02

    Hello, nine hundred and eleven. What service do you require? Press one for po-lice. Press two for fire in the disco or fire in the Taco Bell. Press three for doctors and that. Press four if you have forgotten your user ID or password. Press five to enter a promotional discount code. Press six to leave a message.

  • 11. Loinsford, Jerry  |  December 28th, 2007 at 16:26


    Hello, this is Jerry Loinsford here…


  • 12. Chris  |  December 30th, 2007 at 17:54

    Thank you for your selection. Due to the large volume of calls we receive, you are currently being held in a queue. Your call is important to us and someone will be available to speak to you as soon as possible. In the meantime, please ensure you have your account number, date of birth and the square root of 49 to hand.

    *greensleeves looped for 56 hours*

  • 13. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  December 31st, 2007 at 10:53

    *is still sat there after fifty-six hours worth of that guff*

    Hello? Is anyone there yet? I’ve got cramp in every part of my body and I can’t see straight anymore. I’ve been to potty in my pants, I’ve missed two visits from the postman and some kids threw penny chews at me through an open window. Won’t somebody PLEASE pick up?

    Well, I’ll give it another five minutes and see what happens. Oh, Greensleeves again! My favourite!

  • 14. Chris  |  December 31st, 2007 at 17:21

    Our call centre will close tonight for the bank holiday, and will re-open at 10.00am on January 2nd. Please call back at that time. We would like to take this opportunity to wish you a very happy new year.


  • 15. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  January 2nd, 2008 at 07:05

    I don’t know why I bother sometimes. What a waste of time!

    Best call them back to be sure eh.

    *picks up the phone*

  • 16. Kevil  |  January 2nd, 2008 at 19:47

    Skeee bap ditty ditty do dah dee!

  • 17. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  January 3rd, 2008 at 08:38

    Just when you think Kev will actually say something with words and letters and sentences in he goes and flounders you some more with a bit of scat.

    Are you sure you’re not the original Scat Man?

  • 18. Kevil  |  January 4th, 2008 at 09:47

    Chickety cha tat chicketat tah….

  • 19. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  January 4th, 2008 at 12:32

    I guess that answers my question

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