Children’s charter
June 18th, 2008
I would like to propose a new rule set that all children must abide by. Those who do not, or who refuse to ratify and sign the charter on their day of birth, will be shunned, spurned and decked before being extradited to Norway, which has been designated as a land for rampant children. All adults are being evacuated from Norway and its borders are being fortified.
The draft charter goes thus:
1. Childs shall sleep for eight continuous hours per night.
2. Childs shall not wake before 0700 hrs local time, and on waking, shall silently wait until invited to leave bed by a parent or guardian.
3. Childs shall ask for batteries to be removed from noise-making toys before playing with them.
4. Childs shall eat what everyone else eats instead of whining they don’t like it and demanding special treatment that usually involves fish fingers and lots of ketchup.
5. On public transport – or, actually, anywhere in public – childs shall shut the fuck up.
If you wish to add your own clauses to this manifesto, please feel free. It will make a better world for us all.
6 Comments
1. Kevil | June 19th, 2008 at 09:02
It’s just a hunch but I’m sensing you might be back at home surrounded by two young sisters… Am I right? Huh? Huh?
*titters*
2. Kevil | June 19th, 2008 at 09:03
6. Childs are only to be allowed into Cinemas between the hours of 9 and 5, Monday to Friday.
3. Chris | June 19th, 2008 at 17:10
Titters! Phwoar.
4. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | June 20th, 2008 at 12:54
Childs should only have tantrums in the corners of their bedrooms, where nobody can see, and put a sock in their mouth to soften the sound. Then when they have finished that should treat the whole family to a chippy tea.
5. Auds | June 23rd, 2008 at 13:59
Childs should not be allowed on holiday at all until they reach the age of 40 accompanied by both their parents. Childs should not be allowed on charva chariot at all unless they are in pairs and tied together like in a 3 legged race.
6. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | June 24th, 2008 at 08:27
Charva chariot = the met-ro!
(Geordie Dictionary – 2008 edition)