Wanted
August 6th, 2008
WANTED
The Blackberry Six
REWARD: £50,000
for information resulting in their arrest
These six bastardly little blackberries have been on the run for several years now. They are suspected by the Metropolitan Police of having planted the devastating explosives, packed with orange juice and nasty little pips that get stuck in your teeth, which destroyed much of the Houses of Pear-Lemons in July 2001.
It is thought they are being held by a large, manicured hand in the West Midlands. Anyone with information on this vicious band of tossers should call Crimecrushers on 0909 999 999 999 989 999 999 5, or leave their name anonymously on this website.
Entry Filed under: Chris,Friut Fascists
16 Comments
1. Kevil | August 6th, 2008 at 13:44
Shock, and indeed Horror!
2. Chris | August 7th, 2008 at 12:34
But do you know anything that can help bring these bobbly nutjobs to justice?
3. Kevil | August 7th, 2008 at 13:53
Now you come to mention it… No.
4. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | August 7th, 2008 at 16:59
Have you been drinking anything of a particularly weird colour recently Marshall?
5. Chris | August 7th, 2008 at 18:24
I had some cloudy lemonade. Is that made from clouds? And if so, what are they made of?
(Good to see the Beans is back on form after a long period of quietnessssss)
6. Kevil | August 7th, 2008 at 19:58
My mate Bob told me yesterday that it wasnt raining, it was the clouds crying because he had sexually abused them.
I hope you got a drink before he got at them.
7. Chris | August 8th, 2008 at 14:04
Turns out what I was drinking was “Clow Deelem (or Naide)”, a traditional drink from 13th century Denmark. Most Denmarkers call it by its usual name, but Naide is what it was called by Norwegian sailors in late October 1424.
8. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | August 11th, 2008 at 07:43
Are you sure it wasn’t Clowdee Lemorn Aid? There was a group of monks from the early 12th century who passed out fizzy water to weary passers by. It tasted of mitch and pilchards but became very popular.
9. Chris | August 11th, 2008 at 15:32
I think it’s much the same thing. Denmarkanians are known for their love of the pilchard.
10. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | August 12th, 2008 at 12:14
I love a bit of pilch. I mix it with the tears of a greek dishwasher, it makes fantastic cocktails.
11. Chris | August 12th, 2008 at 23:35
I find greek dishwashers are a great source of salty residue which I collect using a specially-shaped spatula and feed to dormice.
12. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | August 18th, 2008 at 08:25
Do dormice dig dishwashers of the greek kind? Would they not prefer Denmarkians or Abu Dhabi?
13. Chris | August 18th, 2008 at 10:16
Good lord no! I asked my mice to fill in a survey for me, and 82% of them preferred greek appliance grime to the people of foreign countries.
14. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | August 19th, 2008 at 08:21
That’s a great result. Generally those of the rodent family don’t like filling in applications and surveys, you must have found a real nice bunch o’ mice.
Bag ’em up for me. We’ll put them in a circus.
15. Chris | August 19th, 2008 at 10:14
Well, really, it was 82% of the respondents, and only 64% of the mice responded. Of those that didn’t, 24% said they couldn’t even read, and of those mice, two thirds had blue eyes.
16. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | August 21st, 2008 at 09:02
Blue eyes? They’re quite rare in a mouse. I have to have ’em. I could make them walk the wire and then play ‘Everything I do I do it for you’ by Bryan Adams in the background. Because it mentions the wire. Unless he was talking about the emmy award-winning HBO series.