The Late Sir Reginald Winston – Recounting Events with Winthrop Chalmers

June 23rd, 2009

Returning from India, still intact despite the incident with the scorpion, and without locating nothing more than hocus pocus stories regarding Bab Nool Yony, we took about writing up our notes nonetheless with the hope that perhaps upon our next visit we may be able to piece together something coherent enabling us to carry on our work.

I had already resigned myself to the fact that if we were to return we would need to change our approach completely. When Winthrop had initially discussed the expedition with me I wasn’t convinced but the more he told me the deeper my obsession grew. Bab Nool Yony, third prince of the line of Arpaxia, an equally disturbing and hilarious character. The riches, the fame, the worrying large collection of women’s clothing and purple wigs. As previously discussed I was bored with the gentry and their anecdotes about fencing and so, with a bag of minor clothes and few frivolities, I stood waiting in the west wing of Winthrop’s manor. He arrived with only one tiny bag. I asked him where the rest of the equipment was and he assured me what was contained in the bag was all we required.

As it happens the bag was empty apart from a pocket watch made of lint. I knew instantly what Winthrop meant; we were going to India for silence, for peace, distancing ourseles from the mundane routine of modern life. The time we had left was gradually disappearing and like a watch made of lint soon it will completely disappear. He always taught me the most important lessons, unlike Padre Pumpinmeyer.

Entry Filed under: Bedtime stories,Ian

9 Comments

  • 1. Chris  |  June 25th, 2009 at 15:09

    Yeah. Padre Pumpinmeyer is a real shit.

  • 2. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver  |  June 26th, 2009 at 22:58

    Do you remember the time he had to eat three small apple seeds to save that tiny village in the Indian Ocean, and he couldn’t even manage it without a bottle of Fanta?

    What a dick.

  • 3. Kevil  |  June 29th, 2009 at 09:00

    I remember that.

    Do you remember that time where that other bad thing could have been avoided by an easly selfless act and he went and did something else generically fun instead, and the bad thing happened anyway?

  • 4. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver  |  June 29th, 2009 at 21:42

    Yeah. What a cock.

    It’s as bad as the time Gellatin John dropped the priceless ming vase and set the Western World back a whole 24hrs.

    The shit.

  • 5. Kevil  |  June 30th, 2009 at 09:41

    Yeah, I remember that. I’d just finished typing up a document and had to start it all over again.

  • 6. Chris  |  June 30th, 2009 at 17:51

    I read somewhere that once, he was asked to help an old lady cross the street, and instead he shot the old lady and ate her budgie.

  • 7. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver  |  July 1st, 2009 at 07:16

    Was that Gellatin John or Padre Pumpinmeyer? Sons of b*tches.

  • 8. Chris  |  July 10th, 2009 at 13:32

    Padre Pumpinmeyer. Gellatin John pulled that swizz where he removed the hats from sleeping pensioners and set fire to them, tipping the ashes back on afterwards and then charging them £40 a pop for “cranial temperature readjustment”. What a goblight.

  • 9. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver  |  July 12th, 2009 at 20:45

    What a piece of shit world we live in. I’m ashamed to have Gellatin John as my cousin and moreso to know that he’s come up with more inventive ways of making money than I have.


Something random

Archives

Categories