Silly Bint Of The Month – Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus
July 21st, 2009
This should have come sooner, but it didn’t. Technically it counts as two given that this is a blatant attack on both the spawn of Billy Ray Cyrus and the piece of sh*t show she stars in. For all those SBM purists out there I do apologise but it had to be done.
Where do we start? Hannah Montana shouldn’t exist. It does and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. Since appearing it has been capitvating naive little children for the last three years, sort of like High School Musical. I tried researching the show on Wikipedia to add fury to my flames and there’s nothing there. There’s no description of what actually happens, what the whole point of the show is. It merely talks about production, awards and how many series novelisations have been written. Put a little time aside to read the episode summary though, especially the episode where Hannah Montana entertains the Queen of Britain and her grandaughter. I can almost hear the rubbish English accents grating through the wind…
Ever heard ‘Achey Breaky Heart’ by Billy Ray Cyrus? It was because of him that line dancing took off, or so modern history books lead you to believe. From this came the child of Cyrus. If only Bill Hicks were here he’d know what to do. Aside from the whole pulling a face to insult the entire Chinese community of the world, aside from her baffling comments about same sex marriage, her music is a pile of f*cktards. Here’s some lovely lyrics from ‘Hoedown’ that you can all sing along to:
“Pop it, lock it, polka dot it, country-fy it, then hip hop it.
Put your hawk in the sky, move side to side, jump to the left, stick it glide.”
Put your hawk in the sky? Stick it glide? Clearly she’s never read a dictionary nor knows much about the English language. And people were sh*tting themselves about playing heavy metal records backwards in the 80’s. Backwards or forwards these lyrics don’t make sense at all. If I heard my son singing this I’d think he was having a fit.
Think about it kids; do you want to be represented by someone who has to dress up to gain popularity? As far as I can see the show seems to promote deception, lying and awful, awful music. There’s only one way forward. Kill her off and re-invent her as a cyborg from the future with a bandana and some Kraftwork covers. Hannah Bandana. Get it?
Entry Filed under: Silly Bint of the Month
21 Comments
1. Kevil | July 21st, 2009 at 11:15
It was all going so well… then you had to bring in the manga didn’t you. It’s because of stupidity like that we’ve got this shitpile in the first place.
(Whats SBM??)
2. Ian | July 21st, 2009 at 13:56
I wasn’t actually implying anything manga-related, I just thought it would be funny to see her as a robot, like I-Mac from the year 4000 but not as annoying.
SBM = Silly Bint of the Month
3. Chris | July 21st, 2009 at 14:56
What about Hannah Banana? Just put her in a yellow costume and shove her onto the street.
Then film with hidden cameras as she is beaten to death by passers-by.
4. Ian | July 22nd, 2009 at 07:45
In that case we’d have to get the cloning machine up and running as she wouldn’t last five minutes in Newcastle.
Kev! Kev! Ke… Kev! How’s the cloning machine coming along?
5. Kevil | July 22nd, 2009 at 08:41
Its nearly there. Its still at an experimental stage, but i’m willing to take a risk on this one.
6. Charley McFarley | July 23rd, 2009 at 16:59
Can I pull the cloning lever?
7. Chris | July 23rd, 2009 at 17:00
No, Charley. Kev has spent ages making his special cloning machine and he deserves to pull the big shiny lever. Go sit on the naughty stool.
8. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | July 25th, 2009 at 09:20
Kev! Kev! Ke… Kev!
perhaps you could knock up like a shitty plastic one that Charley can pull the lever on, you know, just so he doesn’t feel left out. You remember how he was when you invented pants? He was so sad that day.
9. Chris | August 2nd, 2009 at 15:27
I wouldn’t bother. Just give him a slap. That’s my solution.
10. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | August 2nd, 2009 at 23:56
That was also your solution on how I should greet the Pope when I met him. Boy, the vatican doesn’t like happy slapping. I should’ve known.
11. Kevil | August 3rd, 2009 at 13:58
I’ve invented something else to keep old charley busy… the Never-Ending-Wiggle-O-Matic.
Should keep him entertained for days.
12. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | August 4th, 2009 at 08:25
Well if it was designed with the man who did this for hours in mind then he’ll be better off sucking up a tree with tin lips.
13. Chris | August 4th, 2009 at 12:14
You would say that. You have an excessively high ratio of kissing within lips.
14. Charley McFarley | August 4th, 2009 at 12:16
Yesss! Now I can wiggle while never ending. O happy day!
Can I have just one go on the big cloning lever?
15. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | August 4th, 2009 at 13:47
(is in the middle of sucking a conifer through a McDonalds straw)
Hmmm? Oh erm best check with Kev first Charley. You wouldn’t wanna roast any turkey feathers whilst we’re in the second trimester.
16. Kevil | August 5th, 2009 at 09:32
Ok Charley you can pull the big lever as soon as that * points * stops wiggling
17. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | August 10th, 2009 at 08:50
Who? Chris?
18. Chris | August 11th, 2009 at 08:58
I’m not wiggling. Must be a trick of the light.
19. Kevil | August 11th, 2009 at 09:31
No the Never-Ending-Wiggle-O-Matic.
20. Charley McFarley | August 12th, 2009 at 10:09
What a cruel trick. I am now quite forlorn.
21. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | August 16th, 2009 at 19:21
You’re forlorn that you’re not the one wiggling?