The Late Sir Reginald Winston – Recounting Events with Winthrop Chalmers
December 23rd, 2009
Our second trip to India was by far the most interesting and eye-opening of all of Winthrop’s adventures. We had initially hoped to only be there for a few months but as it happened the expedition lasted a good two years. In that time we managed to survey and map practically all of the country’s locations we had wanted to visit including the final rest ground of Bab Nool Yony, his two villages, his summer house on the borders of China and even the curious umbrella shop who’s ultimate purpose was never revealed to anybody…
After the first couple of weeks I must admit I did yearn to return home to the luscious green fields of England and I kept this to myself but Winthrop could see this written all over my face. With the absence of a mirror I couldn’t see that he’d actually written it all over my face using some lipstick he’d stolen from Lady Gannymede at the last ‘Fine Wines and Limes’ evening in Printstock Hall. He never explained why he did it and for some reason I didn’t ask. Instead we would talk about many things that for legal and personal reasons cannot be noted here.
I recall one particular evening in the wildernesses of Bengal where too much brandy had given way to red faces and wet trousers. The next morning we were due to meet with a respected local who held much sway over the surrounding areas. Unfortunately because of the state we had gotten into during the night neither of us was in any state for diplomacy. When we arrived in the village Winthrop announced to the nearby population that he was “gagging for a wizz-wizz-woodle”, urinated in the only water supply, made ambiguous s*xual gestures towards any female who came within his path of rapidly deteriorating eyesight and then passed out under a tree hugging a scimitar. I removed the sword and apologised for his behaviour claiming dissentry and a diseased colon for the display they had just witnessed.
Secretly though I enjoyed every moment.
Entry Filed under: Bedtime stories,Ian