An Appeal – Please give generously (no subsidies involved – honest)
This is an appeal from Jerry Loinsford of the Loinsford Academy for the promotion of good loins. Although today loins, for once, are off the menu. There is something more imporant that needs addressing (even more important than the lack of loins in schools today). Yes there is a common crime happening every single day. One that must stop. People are deleting unnecessary vowels in words.
Think about it, you’ll be typing a letter to the assistant director of the educational board of directors about how loins are severely unappreciated in primary and secondary schools across the UK and WHOOPS there goes an additional ‘I’. What do you do with that ‘I’? You destroy that ‘I’ because it doesn’t belong there. Like God in a moodswing with no eyes trapped in a wet paper bag you lash out and delete your creation! The same thing can be said of consonants but there’s 21 of them, and only five vowels.
Those A’s, the cute little O’s, the underused U’s, how they suffer in the name of spellchecks across the country. What we should be doing is taking those letters and instead moving them to a word missing that particular one. Spelt ‘becaus’ without an ‘E’? Wait for one to be created and then switch that mother. It’s that simple. We don’t want letters suffering anymore. We want the suffering to stop. It should stop now. This exact now.
 
  Jerry Loinsford casts a critical eye!
If you wish to make a donation please email guyverpop@hotmail.com with your details. You will receive information back with the position of a bin on Dean Street. Please arrange to leave the money in a plain, black leather bag on the designated date at the designated time like a good boy. Or girl. Act now. Those letters need all the support they can get! Peace out to the Loinsford massive. Word. Period. Full Stop. Colon colon! Apostrophe…