User avatarHow to name a company

You will probably remember that, some years ago now, Ian and myself decided that the best way to name a company was to use the name of the person followed by the thing their company did. That way, everyone knew where they stood and there could be no uncertainty. “Peter’s Window Cleaning” is a good company name. “Lucy’s Cafe” is another.

You can see the problem of badly named companies everywhere. “Boots”, for example, is a bad company name because it’s actually a chemist and doesn’t sell any kind of footwear. Having been founded by a man called John Boot, its name should obviously be “John’s Medicines”.

I bring this up because I would like to share with you the worst company name in the world. It’s a hair salon I pass every day on the way to the station. It’s called “www.comb”.

I find it hard to understand how anyone thought this was a good idea. “www.comb” sounds stupid when you try to say it out loud. It’s not actually the web address for the company (that’s www.comb.org.uk, itself pretty misguided because “.org.uk” is meant for non-profit organisations, but whatever). The name is, however, specifically designed to look like a web address, so for some reason the company has deliberately been given a name that is formatted as a web address but which isn’t the web address of the company. The only way you can use the company’s services is by physically going into a shop, and there is no sense in which this is an online company, so having the abbreviation for “world wide web” in its name is meaningless. And of course if you go into a hair salon, you would hope that using a comb is not the pinnacle of their skills. You’d hope they’re good at scissors, and hairdryers, and styling tongs, and that sort of thing. Being good at combs shouldn’t be their big sell.

Let’s be clear: the name of this business should probably be “Helen and Lisa’s Hair Salon”. Choosing a different name would be sub-optimal but acceptable. Choosing the name “www.comb”, though,  is madness and must be stopped.

28 comments to How to name a company

  • I like that they underlined the www. just to further emphasise it.

    I also like that they realised that their name was going to confuse people into thinking that it was their website, so immediately after wrote their actual web address.

    I also like that they didn’t do enough research into the name before they chose it, so they ended up with an inappropriate .org.uk TLD.

    I also like that on realising that that would be the case, they couldn’t be arsed to have a rethink and call it something less shit.

  • Sorry, did I say I liked those things? I meant despise. I always get those two mixed up.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I like the fact that very little thought has gone into this whole organisation and that we can sit from our big chairs, like big men, and laugh at them for trying.

    I mean I’m so modern I’m already in tomorrow, but I would never be stupid enough to think that a ‘www.’ prefix would mean I was in any way more cool.

  • I’m glad you all agree. I feel validated, as a person. I feel like I matter.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    That is so f*cking cool I’ve forgotten where the ‘u’ key is on my keyboard.

    Oh wait…

  • That is the coolest. I assume “www.kevil” is your web address.

  • Sorry, no. I have updated it for the full effect.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Are you the new Prince?

  • That’s so cool. And also really catchy. I assume that “www.Kevil” is now your first name and your surname is now “(www.kevil.co.uk)”. I look forward to seeing that on your passport, drivers’ licence and wife.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Does the husband name get tattooed or stamped on the wife? That seems a tad medieval.

  • Tattooed is normal these days. Branding irons are considered cruel and insanitary.

    If you remember Kev’s wedding, there was a bit between the ceremony and the reception where Kev and Sarah disappeared briefly. That was while the Wedding Tattooist wrote “Hill” in cursive script on the bottom of Sarah’s feet. There’s a photo in the wedding album.

  • www.Kevil (www.kevil.co.uk)

    That’s right. Im hoping to find a tattooist who can convert Hill into (www.kevil.co.uk) so we dont have to get it crossed out and do another underneath.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Is that what all that screaming was? I thought it was Sarah realising the extent of what she’s done… 😀

  • It would be a shame to have to just cross it out. If you do that you end up running out of foot pretty quickly, especially if she ends up marrying another two or three times.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Can we add another foot to her? That way she’ll have a spare when one of the other ones runs out. I tell you what, I’ll talk to the woman who prepares my many different pairs of eyes; she may know someone who can help.

  • Now THAT is a plan. If I’m honest I’ve always thought Sarah would be improved with a couple of extra feet.

  • www.Kevil (www.kevil.co.uk)

    Do you think we should ask Sarah before we go ordering her new feet? I know she’s quite laid back but nobody wants extra limbs forced upon them, do they?

  • I don’t see any great need for additional limbs. Two legs look about right on Sarah, to my eye. I’d just get her a couple of extra feet and attach them wherever is convenient somewhere below the waistline.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    You should never ask anyone anything about extra limbs, it will only end in tragedy. We’ll get her the feet and casually mention it to her, and then sort out the rest.

    Also Kev, Chris seems to have been eyeing up your wife. You may want to have words.

  • Only with my eyeing eyes. That’s allowed, surely.

  • Nope. Stop that. Put them to good use on something else, like a new shirt or a nice cake.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    He admitted it! Call the marriage police!

  • Gosh. Well, I feel quite the buffoon. I can only apologise. I’ll get my eyeing eyes onto that packet of garibaldi biscuits I’ve been looking forward to immediately.

  • I went past this hell hole, and I can tell you it’s even more disappointing in person. Chris was quite right to bring it to our attention.

  • Look at that. Disappointment squared. It’s like the disappointing name has drained all the light from your face.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    You look as unusual as Ruislip Man. Did you team up whilst you were visiting?

  • No. Kev just has an unusual face.

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