User avatarTrekkin’ Abroad: Norman D.

So many posts in so few days. It’s almost like it’s the end of the month and people have one eye on the Bean Counter.

No matter. This isn’t just any post, this is important. Listen carefully.

I am posting to the Beans from a foreign location. I am, literally, Trekkin’ Abroad at this exact moment. I am within a country apparently called Norman D., though as yet I have been unable to ascertain its surname. However, armed only with this rudimentary information, I’ve narrowed down some likely suspects.

Norman Dodgin

An English footballer, who mainly played defensive positions, Norman Dodgin’s professional career lasted from the late 1940s to the early 1950s and he died in 2000.

Norman Douglas

An author, most famous for his 1915 book South Wind, Norman Douglas died in 1952 – interestingly, at a time when Norman Dodgin was at the height of his professional football career. A coincidence? Unlikely.

Norman Dyhrenfurth

Confusingly born in Breslau, a German city that no longer exists because it’s now called Wroclaw and in Poland, Norman Dyhrenfurth was a cinematographer who produced movies for National Geographic in the 1960s and is apparently also known for a film released in 2007, which is two years after his death. He was born on May 7th, the same as me. Another coincidence? Unlikely.

Clearly these are the three most eminent Norman D.’s in the world, and so logically if I am in a place called Norman D. then I must be in one of them. All three are dead, which brings the unsettling but inevitable conclusion that I have gone on holiday to a corpse. However, it seems to be a reasonably nice corpse, with a pleasant apartment that has a balcony and a short walk to shops and bars around an attractive harbour front setting, so if this is life inside a dead body it’s not all bad.

I am due to leave this place on Sunday and if any further information about the location or identity of Norman D. comes to light, I will share it here.

9 comments to Trekkin’ Abroad: Norman D.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    This sounds excellent. Would you recommend going on holiday to a corpse? Reuben keeps trying to sell me a timeshare inside a dog, which is pretty similar but not at all at the same time.

  • I’m not sure I would, no. My hayfever was terrible which I assume means that I am allergic to corpses. The inside of a dog might work better for me next time. Does Reuben have any brochures I could peruse?

  • I don’t think there’s a lot of pollen inside a dog, so you should be fine. Unless the dog is dead, then you may find the corpse allergy kicks in again. Is it just human corpses or all recently deceased fauna?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    There’s a lot of questions. I have struggling to hamster all of phlegm and am getting a shuttle but confused with my worms.

  • Having you been sniffing things you find under hedges again?

  • “Hedge mayonnaise”, he calls it.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Hedgonnaise is gonna explode one day, much in the same way the mattresses will both above and under Chris’ flat, and also sweet Petunia.

  • I don’t want to be anywhere nearby when there’s an explosion of hedge mayonnaise.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Waaaaaaaay (what?)

    I don’t think even I could make hedge mayonnaise sexual. That’s an uphill struggle from the start.

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