Recently I had to visit an office building not far from work on my lunch break. It was one of those really small office buildings that’s just a stack of little offices above a shop, so you go to a door next to the shop and ring the bell and they tell you to come up.
When you’re inside, the offices are tiny, just a room on each floor really, and there’s a tiny staircase that spirals up. There’s also a lift, but this being a tiny building of tiny rooms it is a tiny lift. The kind where you get in and there isn’t really any space for anyone else. It has mirrors on three sides to make it feel bigger but nothing can really change the fact that it’s about the size of a coffin.
Anyway, the point is that I’ve never heard of the company that made the lift. If I had I’m pretty sure I’d have remembered them.
15 comments on “A strange little lift”
You didn’t go onto a mezzanine floor in the tiny building? John Cusack wasn’t hanging around with some puppets? Sounds very similar to the film ‘Being John Malkovich’. Apart from the porn lift.
No, there were no mezzanine floors or puppets or John Cusacks, so it wasn’t similar to ‘Being John Malkovich’ at all. Sorry.
Porn & Dunwoody are also a little out of date as to the average size of a human these days. 450lbs is roughly 32 stone. The average weight of a UK adult woman is currently 11st, and men are on average 13st. Now unless the lift in this building is often frequented by children and midgets, that 3 persons claim is looking a little dangerous.
Was the lift made in medieval times when people were smaller?
It might have been. Or maybe you can fit 3 people in if they remove enough baggage, clothing or limbs to bring their total weight down to 450lbs.
This may be a little through the looking glass but was the office you were visiting frequented by fatties? You know, fatso dumbo lardo McGumbo. Big chonkus hefto chuggo. I forget what the PC way of describing a chunky bastard is these days.
Oh no, I feel as though I may have been insensitive in that last post.
Deeply insensitive. No lift for you. You can take the stairs.
which you cant fit up because they are 5inches narrower than the average human male in 2022.
It’s true. When you try to climb them you have to arch your back and puff your chest in and… gah, this is impossible.
I need some kind of a pulley system to winch me up to the top.
It’ll have to be up the outside of the building, but the windows are very small so you won’t fit in through there. Maybe we’ll have to winch you onto the roof and leave you there. What were you coming upstairs for again?
Does it matter? Get me onto the roof now, boy, before I whip you soundly and leave your shoes in a furnace.
What an empty threat. The furnace is neither outside the building nor on the roof, so there’s no way you can reach it. My shoes are safe. I will winch you in my own good time.
Ah… damn you and your silly logic. I never was a man of science. If I want a furnace on my roof or my ceiling I expect you to build it, Kevin McCloud. Don’t you judge me with your Grand Design eyes.
As a result of that outburst, I have decided to winch you half way up and then leave you dangling outside a third floor window.
I see no problem with this. I look forward to spending the rest of the year receiving missed calls from work and begging passers-by for scraps.