User avatar Five

It’s here! Many years late and all the more welcome for it, we now present The Official Book of London 2014, “#Chris30”. It is of course from the fateful time Kev and Ian came to see me in London for my birthday, and Kev wasn’t very well, but we still played dinosaur golf anyway.

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User avatar Pirate alert

He’s going to shiver your timbersHe’s likely to buckle your swashHis pieces of eight count big numbersHis galleon’s full of his dosh

A roistering-doistering fighterHis enemies all have been sankHe’ll make your pockets feel lighterJust before you walk the plank

It’s not like he wants to be BluebeardIt’s a lifestyle that […]

User avatar Behold! Ian’s books

We all know that Ian has turned out an awful lot of books in his lifetime, most of them lengthy and devoid of all interest; we also know that every copy that could be found has been systematically incinerated by the cleansing flames of justice.

Even though it is entirely right and proper that […]

User avatar Middlesax

Seeing how absurdly easy it’s been for Ian to get his turgid prose published, I’ve secured myself a publishing deal for a book of my own. At first I was just thinking about this as a way to rake in some easy cash, but then it dawned on me that I would need to […]

User avatar Bad toilet

Whose idea was this? Nobody wants this. Nobody, ever, wants this.

User avatar Three Cornered Stanley

You’ve made it. You’ve finally made it. All the way here. And now, all that stands between you and Three Cornered Stanley himself is the garden gate. Go on – reach over, open the latch, push the gate open and step in. Step right in to the world of Three Cornered Stanley.

This is […]

User avatar In one vole and out the other

In a move that Kev will find outright baffling, I’ve just published another Book of nonsense generated earlier this year. This one is titled I Bought this from Steve for a Double High Five, mainly because that’s the first thing written in it.

It was written (ha! “Written”!) in June this year by just […]

User avatar Terrible advice

Here is a sign on the London Tubular Railway offering information to drivers.

Thankfully, when my train arrived, the driver disregarded this advice.